I thought this whole Mommy/Nursing Thing is supposed to get easier

Lucas is FINALLY asleep!

So from 6:20ish AM-10 PM Lucas slept a total of 2 hours if that. In between he would go from a sweet happy baby by talking to himself and his toys on this swing to this crazy wild animal who was hungry but refused to nurse in his normal position and when I would try he would scream so loud I thought someone was going to knock on my door to take him away (or me away somewhere in a special jacket).

I don't know what his deal was but I had to contort in all strange positions to get this kid to eat.... and he wanted to eat all around the clock, which would have been fine if he was willing to work with me! It is not like I got a break either to sleep or just enjoy the quiet while he slept.

So I spent the day doing things like crying while I ate my horrible organic yogurt (in case he does have Thrush or did have it or something), reading my hippie breastfeeding books, and begging my kid to "please just let mommy sleep for 10 minutes." One of these days he is going to want money for something and then I will remind him of the day I spent trying to nurse him in positions that would impress an Olympic gymnast.

One of the books I read said if a normally good natured nurser was acting like by offering him your breast you were trying to force him to eat broken glass he could be going on a "nursing strike," and why it didn't give any reason for the strike it said it could last two days and to try nursing while moving (either rocking or walking). I don't understand why a breast in motion is more appealing then one offered to a gently curled up baby on a boppy but for some reason it did work. So I spent the rest of the afternoon in the rocking chair still begging Lucas for a few minutes of sleep in between phone calls with Lisa and my Mom to get a little moral support.

I know the easiest thing would be to just pop a bottle of formula in his mouth and then I wouldn't have to deal with the feeding thing alone. Then on the weekends Curt could get up with him and feed him (like he did the week he was sick when we brought him home) and I could leave him with anyone for long amounts of time and do things with other adult people like drink coffee until I was the one that was keeping everyone awake. For some reason though I don't want to. I've gone this far and had to deal with nipple confusion, plugged milk ducts, (oh and a milk cyst I discovered Saturday), that it just seems like if I switched I would be giving up and all the tears and hard work were for nothing.

Plus when things are going smoothly there is no better feeling then looking down at Lucas as he wraps his finger around mine and looks up at me with his big eyes and his wrinkled forehead while I play with his little feet. I don't have to share this with anyone else in the world. With the bottle anyone can feed him but if he is nursing I feel really needed.

Curt is still great he keeps saying "what can I do" or "just tell me how I can help" or "I can stay home from work if you need me to" but I can't really tell him anything to do other then ask him to bring me a glass or water or that sort of thing which he does. I think this is harder then the pregnancy or the labor. Curt laughed at me when I told him I wish the umbilical cord would work the same way outside the womb... or I could just put him back inside of me to sleep at night, and when everyone was well rested take him back out. I was kidding... well mostly.