I started the day early... Really early... With a good dose of guilt!
For over a week I've been going to bed at a "reasonable time," at 10 PM. I've been sleeping in my own bed with my own husband. This might not sound like anything special but for almost a year I've been going to bed VERY late... Most times not until 3 AM (started when I was pregnant because I've always been a night owl and Lucas would always start kicking about 2 AM) Once Lucas started to go to bed at 8 PM and only wakes up to nurse once a night now (usually 2 AM... hmmm I never thought about the time before) I realized I should start taking advantage of that and get some sleep!
Here is where the guilt comes in... Last night was windy and cold and it rained all night. I woke up on my own in the middle of the night (which is strange) because I had to pee. This might sound normal but it has been a long time since this has happened! Usually Lucas wakes me up and I just pee before going back to bed. I felt strangely rested and my breasts looked like they belonged to Pamela Anderson... Except they were fully clothed... And they were painfully engorged. On the way back to bed I glanced over at the clock and it was blinking and that is when I realized the power had gone out. I had to go into the living room and turn on the TV to the TV Guide Channel to find out what time it was.... 4:30 AM! That means that sometime during the night Lucas woke up hungry and must have cried himself back to sleep and I couldn't hear him because of how far is room is from ours and with electricity... No working baby monitor.
While I know that it doesn't hurt a baby to cry... It wasn't too long since Lucas has gone from 2 night feedings to 1 and I hate to think my baby woke up hungry and nothing happened to remedy his situation. It is painful... Literally. With every movement it was painful... I had to pump out some of the excess milk before I woke him up to nurse because my breasts were so full he wouldn't have been able to latch on. I almost thought about letting him wake up on his own but I was still uncomfortable and didn't want to risk getting a breast infection.
I know some people might tell me not to worry about it because some babies already sleep through the night at his age...(which for a baby only means a 5 hour stretch of time) and when he is ready that will be fine. I enjoy our night time feedings. The world is quiet and we are the only two up. He always finishes asleep with this little smile and he looks like a happy drunk old man as I tuck him back into his crib. Plus the guilt faded through out the day.
Today was a good day. I think Lucas might have worn himself out last night crying... Because he was very sleepy today and didn't fuss when he needed to take a nap... I'm so glad he is on a schedule... But it isn't a strict rigid schedule where he HAS to take a nap at this time or feed at that time. It changes each day but when he is fussy I look at the time and it is usually around the time he takes his naps each day. We're good to go as long as he gets in at least one good nap a day but if he doesn't get a good nap in the morning and I don't get him to lay down for his nap in the afternoon he turns into a little screaming face scratching monster or a baby. His naps make my day run smoothly. I get "me" time which I used to take when he went to bed at night which made me sleep deprived! Plus as long as he gets a good nap I'm able to go out and run errands and do anything I want with the day and I know he'll be a happy smiling laughing baby that enjoys seeing new things and hearing new sounds.
One thing I've started to notice that Lucas seems to relish is being read to. He seems to like books as much as he likes dogs... Only he doesn't try to eat them. Instead he just stares at the pictures and runs his hands over the pages. Today we read Pat the Bunny and Red Ranger Came Calling. I hope his love of books continuities.
One of my favorite memories from childhood is that my Mom would read to us every night. My sister and I would climb into my parents bed and listen to her read to us long after we could read on our own. She read the Narnia books to us and I can't believe how excited I am too see the movie coming out in December... But not nearly as excited as I am to read those same books to Lucas one day.
2 comments:
If your baby woke during the night hungry you would have heard him monitor or not. He just slept through. Don't feel guilty your a great Mom. I am sorry you had to suffer through so much pain from missing the feeding.
I agree with Andrea, your house is not that big that you didn't hear him. Also, if he was really hungry he wouldn't have went back to sleep, so either it is a habit to wake up at night not hunger or he didn't wake up at all. Either way, it is not a big deal. I know what you mean by guilt though, just recently with Ben I had to do something for Ean and had to leave Ben to cry and afterward I felt so guilty because I couldn't get to him. They will survive!
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