Dear Lucas (61 Weeks),

Today you are officially 14 months old. On my drive back from the gym tonight I was thinking about how much we have changed in the last 61 weeks. When you were first born you were so small and I was so scared. I remember the first week alone with you I would just cry and count the hours until your Dad would come home. I would call your Grandmother, and your Aunts and if one of them was free they would come and sit with me and the minute they would leave I would cry again. I didn't think I could ever be good at this Mom thing. I never told anybody but I used to daydream about running away alone and just disappearing. I don't want you to think that I didn't want you, I did. I just desperately didn't want to fail. Those feelings of desperation are long gone and they have been replaced by the happiness I get from just being with you. I love you so much.

Now enough of the mushy gushy stuff. We just found out today that your health insurance has been reinstated. You can now play commence running with scissors and sticking forks in the electric sockets. I'm so glad you didn't get sick or hurt the month you were without insurance. I don't know what is going to happen with your physical and occupational therapy. I don't really think you need it anymore but I would like them to see how much you can do now. I called your OT this morning to tell her everything was reinstated so I'm just waiting to hear back from her now.

It is getting so hard to get a decent picture of you lately because you want whatever I have and you are so darn quick. I'll grab the camera just as I see you doing something picture worthy and if you don't notice when I grab the camera you certainly notice when you hear the camera open. Those times that I can get the camera open and ready are few and far between but even when they happen you move before I can snap the button and take the picture.

Today we went through your drawers and took out the clothes you outgrown and sorted them in piles (things to keep, things to send to your cousin Savannah, and things to sell on eBay) and set them the rocking chair in your room. Then I folded up the clothes that you could wear and put them back in your drawer. You kept "helping" me by pulling out the things I just put in the drawer and setting them in my lap. When I started making you try pants on you went from "helper" to "escape artist." Later when I out you down for a nap you went to bed with no problem. Then thirty minutes later I heard you laughing. I found you in the middle of your crib with all the clothes from the rocking chair surrounding you. I guess you had spent the last thirty minutes pulling each piece of clothing through your crib slats.

You LOVE to play peek-a-boo. If nothing else can cheer you up a game of Peek-a-boo can. I usually do a quick chore like fold a load of laundry or unload the dishwasher while you are eating in your high chair. If you start to fuss because you can't see me all I have to do is yell "Peek-a-boo" and you will start laughing. Also, anything can be used to start an impromptu game of peek-a-boo." You will find a book, blanket, toy, Jadie, anything and hide behind it and then wait for us to say "peek-a-boo" so you can pop out.

Normally at each meal you eat as if we never feed you. This week you haven't had much of an appetite. There have even been days were you will go without eating a Banana and it is not because we don't give them to you. Instead you will just look at the banana sitting on your tray and not even touch it. Then the times you will pick it up you just take a few bites and then you are done. I think the reason you haven't had much of an appetite is because you are teething. Besides I think it is too hard to eat when you have your tongue hanging out of your mouth 23.5 hours a day.

It still amazes me that you have so many toys yet you would rather play with anything but what is supposed to be a toy. Today you carried around balloons and a empty mechanical pencil. I think for Christmas we will do all your shopping at a convenience store. There we can find your favorite toys water bottles, balloons, and empty wrappers. Even better we won't have to deal with traffic and overcrowded shopping malls. I feel so sorry for those parents who are out trying to find TMX.

Bugga, I love you to the Moon and back,

Mama

P.S. thanks for calling me Mama again and only calling me DaDa some of the time.