I first became a Christian when I was 8 years old. We were living in El Paso, Texas at the time and I remember being at this huge revival. I stepped out in front of this HUGE crowd of people and decided to go forward because I wanted to be saved. A little while later I was baptized at Skyline Baptist Church. My parents still have my baptism certificate in their fire proof box where they keep all their important papers. When I was baptized I understood that God loved me and Jesus died for my sins but I still didn't get the "personal relationship" side of it.
When I was a teenager, I was in an awesome youth group for a while. It was easy to be involved with church when I had friends there but soon almost everyone moved away (which tends to happen when you attend church on a military base.) Even though it was not anyone's fault I felt a little abandoned. None of my other friends really went to church and I started to see church how they did, as this boring place that I would rather not be. However, I kept going because I was expected to by my parents. They expected my behind to be the pew every Sunday unless I was sick. (Now that I am an adult I am very thankful that my parents raised me in church.)
I don't remember ever telling my parents that I no longer wanted to go to church. It's not like I was doubting my belief in God. I just wanted to be at home sleeping or hanging out with my friends and I knew "because I don't feel like it" probably wasn't an acceptable excuse. I didn't hate everything about church. I loved the relationships with the people there, I just wasn't really into the whole learning about God thing. It seemed like a whole bunch of "Don't do This" (which seemed like some really fun stuff that I might miss out on.)
When I started college I ended up getting a job and I was scheduled to work on Sundays. I told my parents that it was because I was the new girl and had to take what I could get (which was true.) On the Sundays I had off though I would still say I had to work and just go hang out with my boyfriend (who is now my husband.) Then a few short months later Curt and I were married and I was out on my own and one of my first acts of adulthood was to stop lying and just admit that I didn't want to go to church anymore. I never had a crisis of faith. I was more like the prodigal son and just wanted to leave home and live without any rules for a while.
Things started to change after Lucas was born. I started feeling a little overwhelmed that Curt and I were responsible for raising this innocent little baby. I started feeling like something was missing from my life and felt like I was searching for something that was missing. At this same time I started to get to know Kerry, one of the moms in our playgroup. Her family had moved to Savannah for her husband Robert, to start a church. I just felt drawn to the family and started attending their church.
The very first Sunday I started going back to church I just felt like I was at home. I finally got that being a Christian wasn't about following a bunch of "do's and dont's." It was about having a personal relationship with a God that LOVES me.
Eventually Kerry and Robert felt God was telling them that they were supposed to move back home and continue to grow their church there. Before they left we got together to say goodbye's and they told me that when they moved to Savannah to start a church they thought they were going to be here for good and even though they were here for 2 years it was all worth it just to meet me and see me find my way back to Jesus. If I would have been the only person that had gone to their church, it would have been worth it. That moment was the moment I finally got just how much God loves me. He uprooted a whole family and moved them to the other side of the country just because he wanted me to know that he never left me.
I needed a new church home and after attending a few I ended up at Seacoast. It is a little different from the churches I grew up in (okay maybe a lot different.) A live band plays contemporary music and most weeks we watch a sermon on a movie screen while sipping coffee and munching donuts. People wear jeans and flip flops and some of them are pierced and tattooed. None of that matters though. We are all there because we want to worship God together.
This Sunday afternoon on Tybee I will be baptized. I'm not getting baptized because I don't think the first one "didn't count" or because I need to prove anything to anyone else. It is more of a symbol that I am ready to fully let go and to live what I believe instead of worrying that I'm missing out on something.
When I was a teenager, I was in an awesome youth group for a while. It was easy to be involved with church when I had friends there but soon almost everyone moved away (which tends to happen when you attend church on a military base.) Even though it was not anyone's fault I felt a little abandoned. None of my other friends really went to church and I started to see church how they did, as this boring place that I would rather not be. However, I kept going because I was expected to by my parents. They expected my behind to be the pew every Sunday unless I was sick. (Now that I am an adult I am very thankful that my parents raised me in church.)
I don't remember ever telling my parents that I no longer wanted to go to church. It's not like I was doubting my belief in God. I just wanted to be at home sleeping or hanging out with my friends and I knew "because I don't feel like it" probably wasn't an acceptable excuse. I didn't hate everything about church. I loved the relationships with the people there, I just wasn't really into the whole learning about God thing. It seemed like a whole bunch of "Don't do This" (which seemed like some really fun stuff that I might miss out on.)
When I started college I ended up getting a job and I was scheduled to work on Sundays. I told my parents that it was because I was the new girl and had to take what I could get (which was true.) On the Sundays I had off though I would still say I had to work and just go hang out with my boyfriend (who is now my husband.) Then a few short months later Curt and I were married and I was out on my own and one of my first acts of adulthood was to stop lying and just admit that I didn't want to go to church anymore. I never had a crisis of faith. I was more like the prodigal son and just wanted to leave home and live without any rules for a while.
Things started to change after Lucas was born. I started feeling a little overwhelmed that Curt and I were responsible for raising this innocent little baby. I started feeling like something was missing from my life and felt like I was searching for something that was missing. At this same time I started to get to know Kerry, one of the moms in our playgroup. Her family had moved to Savannah for her husband Robert, to start a church. I just felt drawn to the family and started attending their church.
The very first Sunday I started going back to church I just felt like I was at home. I finally got that being a Christian wasn't about following a bunch of "do's and dont's." It was about having a personal relationship with a God that LOVES me.
Eventually Kerry and Robert felt God was telling them that they were supposed to move back home and continue to grow their church there. Before they left we got together to say goodbye's and they told me that when they moved to Savannah to start a church they thought they were going to be here for good and even though they were here for 2 years it was all worth it just to meet me and see me find my way back to Jesus. If I would have been the only person that had gone to their church, it would have been worth it. That moment was the moment I finally got just how much God loves me. He uprooted a whole family and moved them to the other side of the country just because he wanted me to know that he never left me.
I needed a new church home and after attending a few I ended up at Seacoast. It is a little different from the churches I grew up in (okay maybe a lot different.) A live band plays contemporary music and most weeks we watch a sermon on a movie screen while sipping coffee and munching donuts. People wear jeans and flip flops and some of them are pierced and tattooed. None of that matters though. We are all there because we want to worship God together.
This Sunday afternoon on Tybee I will be baptized. I'm not getting baptized because I don't think the first one "didn't count" or because I need to prove anything to anyone else. It is more of a symbol that I am ready to fully let go and to live what I believe instead of worrying that I'm missing out on something.
3 comments:
I wish you would have written this post sooner! I would have liked to been there to see you get rebaptized! Congratulations!
I too was baptized when I was pretty young. I remember desperately wanting to be baptized because I didn't want to go to Hell. That was the long and short of it. I was rebaptized in 2002 for similar reasons as yours.
Again, congratulations!
I loved reading your testimony Kari..It is very encouraging to know I'm not the only one to struggle with my faith from time to time...It's great to read that you are on the otherside of that struggle.. Once I moved out of my parents house and away to college I too played the protigal "daughter" for a few years ... Thank you for inspiring me to be a better Christian!!
Woo hoo! :0)
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