Dear Lucas (37 Months),

I wish we had a camera crew to follow you around and record all the funny things that you say everyday. I can't believe all the funny stuff that comes shooting out of your mouth and there is just so much that by the end of the day I've already forgotten the funny thing you said over breakfast. So far 3 has been so much more fun that 2 (with a little bit more attitude on the side!) Tonight we were just hanging out and you asked me a random question and I just shrugged my shoulders and you crouched down in front of me and with every bit of seriousness you looked into my eyes and said "Use your words!" That is the phrase I always tell you when you are whining or throwing a fit. I cracked up laughing and you did too.

Lately you have become OBSESSED with "Toy Story!" I am not willing to admit how many times you have seen it in the last few weeks (let's just say you already know just about every single word to the movie) especially since you've been sick the last few days. Yesterday when you begged to watch it for a million and two times I told you that we couldn't watch it because the DVD needed to rest and if you kept watching it over and over it would break. I don't know how you fell for it but you did and I silently celebrated! Well, the first thing you did this morning was walk straight for your DVD and pick it up and say "It's rest! Look Mommy, all better! It is all rest!" You talked on and on about how rested the DVD looked and how Woody and Buzz had a great nap and you were so serious.

Another thing you are into lately is pretending you are going to school. You will put your backpack on and tell me "Goodbye Mommy, I go to school now! I love you! I'll miss you" and then you come by for a kiss before you "go to school." School is in mine and Daddy's bedroom and I'm not sure what goes on during "school" because you never stay long. After a minute or two you come back and say something like "We went to the beach, there was a crab. It was fun! I missed you!" Then you repeat the game over and over. It is so cute!

I think tonight I was speechless for the first time in maybe my entire life. You came running up to me with a tampon swimming from your fingers going "What's this?! What's this?!" I didn't even know what to say. I knew if a named the thing in your hand that then you would ask me what it was used for and I'm just not ready to go down that road with my three year old son. I just laughed and told you to go ask your father. Your Dad (who won't even be SEEN within 2 aisles of the feminine hygiene aisle) told you it was a "pop gun" and then from there it was a microphone and a rocket ship. You even wanted to sleep with it... this will be one of those stories that you will probably "cringe" if we ever retell it in front of you when you are about 15. Is it wrong that I am looking forward to those times just a little bit?

Today we went to Vidalia and spent a little time with our family that lives there. You had so much fun seeing all the animals and just investigating everything. When I was a kid I used to LOVE going to Vidalia and visiting my Grandparents on the farm. I had the best time horseback riding, fishing, and picking fresh corn. I wish you could have known your Great Grandma back then, she was so different then she is now. I remember her playing football outside with us grand kids and "plaiting" my hair. I also wish you could have met your Great-Grandpa. He would have loved you and I know you would have adored him (that is his dog that you "rode" today.)

I have so many good memories from that place of Summers and Christmases that sometimes it is hard to go back there because it just isn't the same. It was so much fun taking you there today though and I realized it is somewhere that we need to go more. I showed you the field where we used to ride horses and jump on hay bales. Then you asked if I ever went in the boat by the pond (I did, and your Dad even did one time too. It was actually the first place we ever went camping together.) and you just thought the whole place was so cool.

I can't believe that summer is almost over! There are so many things I thought we would have done by now. We've hardly been to the beach at all this year and it makes me feel a little bad because you love it so much. Gas has just been so expensive that we haven't gone even a quarter of as much as we did last year. I also haven't taken you swimming that much just in the pool. The last few times we've gone you've been using your water wings and you go swimming by me all on your own. It is such a change from how you used to clutch on to me because you were scared I would let you go. Now you go down the slide at Grandma and Papa's house and you've even jumped off the diving board a few times. I've got to get my little fishie in the water more before it starts turning cooler.

Bugga, I love you to the moon and back,

Mama

Getting a Little Personal

Tonight I took my first birth control pill in two years and it feels a little strange (we've been using other methods before this.) While we are not ready to have any other kids right now the reason to go back on the pill was not totally to prevent pregnancy but to make me having Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome bearable.

I got my period for the first time in 7th grade and it slowly became less and less regular until it disappeared all together when I was in high school. I was never a skinny little thing but around the same time I stopped having my period I started gaining more weight and having abdominal pain. I went to Dr after Dr and they would tell me that I was constipated or that I was just stressed. I ended up getting so frustrated that I just gave up and decided to live with the pain.

.
When I got married my brother had just had his second child and Curt's sister Angela was pregnant with her first and I started to realize that if I wasn't having my period that meant that I might not be able to have kids. I remember many nights where I told Curt that I knew that he wanted to have a baby and I would understand if he didn't want to be with me if we ever found out that I could not have kids. He assured me there were other ways we could have kids. Around this same time the pain started to get worse and worse and my poor husband would just lay beside me and let me cry. One night laying in bed I was flipping through a magazine when I read this article about a lady with similar problems that I had and it was the first time I have ever heard of PCOS. I just knew that was what I had.

.

My parents helped me to go a new Doctor and for once I found someone who would listen to me. I went through several tests and an ultrasound and I remember the tech telling me she was so surprised that I was living with the amount of cysts on my ovaries and that there was a possibility I would have to have them surgically removed. The nurse practitioner I was seeing suggested I try going on the birth control pill first and almost instantly my pain went away and on every 4th Thursday morning I would get my period.

Since we were still newlyweds and were not ready to have kids just yet we decided not even to worry about any fertility issues. I took the pill every day for three years and then one day I started to feel strange and when for the first time my period didn't start on the 4th Thursday I took a pregnancy test and was shocked when I instantly saw two lines. The same nurse practitioner that helped me get a handle on my PCOS also became a midwife and was the one that delivered Lucas.

For some reason I thought that having a baby would "cure" my PCOS and things would go back to "normal." This month I started to get mild abdominal pains here and there and scheduled my annual check up knowing that I would need to go back on the pill. Tuesday was my appointment. The nurse asked me if I was sure there wasn't a chance I was pregnant since I haven't gotten my period back at all since Lucas was born. My midwife explained to her that I had PCOS and that was to be expected. It felt so strange to hear it said out loud.

Hopefully the BC pills will get everything back to "normal" I've been blessed that all I've had to deal with a few of the PCOS symptoms. I honestly don't know if we will be able to have anymore kids but I know if we are meant to be parents to any other children whether by birth or any other way God will bring them to us just like he did with Lucas, our little miracle baby.

I'm not writing this so I will get sympathy or so anyone will feel sorry for me. I think more people should know about PCOS (If I had known about it a few years before I read that article I could have saved myself a lot of pain and heartache) Also I write this so that if any of you see me out this month and I seem a little weepie or hormonal know that I am NOT pregnant... I'm just getting used to being on the pill again.

These are some of the symptoms of PCOS: (the ones I have are in bold)
infrequent menstrual periods, no menstrual periods, and/or irregular bleeding
infertility or inability to get pregnant because of not ovulating
increased growth of hair on the face, chest, stomach, back, thumbs, or toes
acne, oily skin, or dandruff
pelvic pain
weight gain or obesity, usually carrying extra weight around the waist
type 2 diabetes
high cholesterol
high blood pressure
male-pattern baldness or thinning hair
patches of thickened and dark brown or black skin on the neck, arms, breasts, or thighs
skin tags, or tiny excess flaps of skin in the armpits or neck area
sleep apnea―excessive snoring and breathing stops at times while asleep