Ever had someone kick you from the inside? (this is a picture someone forwarded me)
Now that the baby showers are over I am in baby mood. I am trying to gather up the last little bits of things we will need (or that I think we will need). I am also researching this whole breast feeding thing. It is so strange that I will be feeding someone with my body. Seriously! (I mean I know it is natural, but before I got pregnant I never gave breastfeeding a second thought... it was just something that some women did). Right now I am reading So That's What They're For!
It is not that I am freaking out, I just want to be prepared, but its not like you can practice for the whole Breast feeding thing, or for the whole labor thing for that matter. The thing that is driving me crazy is just the unknown. People that really know me know that one of my big pet peeves is not having notice to something that is happening. (I hate being called at the last minute to go do something), I like at least a days notice. That doesn't really happen when it comes to having a baby. You do have about 9 months notice but there is no set "arrival day" and that is what is stressing me out! I want to be able to write down the exact day and time of his arrival in my MSN calender.
I've enjoyed most of my pregnancy so far but now it feels strange to be in my body! It is like sometime while I was sleeping aliens abducted me and stuck me in someone else's body. I'm kicked from the inside and it is going from "aww the baby is kicking" to "oww the baby is kicking!" Also I am starting to be tired all the time and my hormones are going crazy! I never know what will make me cry. Today I threw up because I got a whiff of something that smelled bad (suddenly I feel like I am at the beginning of my pregnancy).
Also, Curt doesn't seem to understand why "wow look at your big pregnant belly" makes me want to grab a frying pan and hit him over the head instead of giving him a sweet kiss. I know he is admiring my belly but do I really need to be reminded that this new belly makes shaving my legs seem like an event worthy for the Olympics?
I think some of this is coming from the "sweet" comment my Grandma said to me Sunday night as I was trying to squeeze behind her chair that was blocking the path from my parents' dining room to the living room... "if you weren't so big you wouldn't have that problem." If I wasn't pregnant and if this was a few years ago I am sure I would be working out twice a day or puking my guts out (on purpose). Hopefully when the baby comes I will be too exhausted to return to some crazy fast way to lose the weight (which is all of 16 lbs and I am almost 33 weeks pregnant).
Now to be fair to my Grandma, who I love dearly, she most likely did not mean it like it came out (nor did she mean it jokingly). You know part of me is glad that I am not having a girl, because girls seem to get caught up worrying about their weight. I know growing up watching my mom (who I never thought was overweight) go on all kinds of different diets, made me think that is what females do. I remember being in the 5th grade and my friend Lisa at the time suggested we go on a diet because our moms were, and her Dad overheard us and he was upset and told us that we didn't need to be worried about stuff like that, we needed to be little girls. Of course that upset us because everyone knows when you are in the 5th grade you are just so grown up even though you are barely out of a training bra.
In middle school none of the girls would eat lunch. We would just all hang out in a group and talk and pretend none of us were hungry. We would use our lunch money to buy Teen, YM, and Seventeen.
In high school I played Varsity Volleyball and I needed to eat to have energy to play Varsity Volleyball. However, when Volleyball season was over I would either not eat anything except for dinner and I would usually throw that up when I went to go take a shower at night. I don't think anyone ever really knew at the time except for my best friend Katie who would try and talk me out of it, she would tell me "you know your breasts are going to shrink." Other people would comment to me "wow you lost a lot of weight, you look really good" and I remember just being angry whenever that would happen thinking to myself "Don't you see what I am doing to myself"
When I could throw up just by thinking about it and when I started throwing up blood I scared myself.... So I got a gym membership with my friend Ashlee. Since Prom season and Beach season was coming up we would work out twice a day (an hour before school which meant meeting at the gym at 6AM) and then again after school. If the owner hadn't of shot himself and the gym closed who knows if I would have kept it up....
I graduated and then College started and I didn't have time to throw up or work out like crazy and I gained my freshmen 15, then I got married and gained a little bit more... Now here I am pregnant and it is so strange for me to understand why Curt gets so excited about my growing belly....
Wow, this post turned out longer then I expected and I didn't mean to go into this whole direction.
2 comments:
I found you through a Technorati search, and have enjoyed digging through your blog.
I was JUST like you when I was pg with my first child. It really bugged me that I couldn't "practice" labor or breastfeeding.
Here are two things I'll tell you to help you feel a LITTLE more prepared:
To "practice" pushing in labor: when you're in the bathtub, grab those knees and do some very gentle practice pushes. Basically, all you need to do is realize the best WAY to push. First, close your mouth and keep your head up - gentle push. Feel how tight you get higher on your body. Then, open your mouth (yes, you'll look a little silly!), put your chin against your chest - another gentle push. Feel how it helps the pushing happen lower - down there where you NEED to be pushing??
I know that sounds crazy, but it really helped me feel more prepared, and by golly, the nurses looked at my crazy, gaped open mouth and said, "Wow! This girl knows the right way to push!" ha!
THEN, when it comes to breastfeeding....
My big tip is to read a lot and then prepare your brain for the fact that it doesn't always come naturally for the two of you right away. Make sure you're ready for the fact that the baby may latch on - pop off - back-and-forth quite a bit in the early days. The baby may fuss when it pops off. The baby may make you REALLY work hard to get them latched on well in the beginning. That's okay. You're not going anywhere. You'll be in your p.j.'s just letting your body rest. So, just take your time.
I've found Dr. Jack Newman's pages (you can find him on a google search) to be REALLY helpful. He has actual video clips on his site of good latching on, and correction of little glitches, etc.. Anytime I can experience the real thing, I feel better!!
Okay - I'm rambling - sorry! I just found myself so surprised to find someone using the EXACT phrases I used in pregnancy.
You're going to do great. The day your chromosomes lined up to make you female, you were MADE to do this! That doesn't mean you were made to do it perfectly the first time. Everything in life is a skill we've slowly perfected.
Thanks so much for taking the time to leave me such an encouraging comment! I really appreciate all of the adivce! God bless.
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