Night One of the "Lindsay Method"

Lucas sleeping in his crib... Snuggled up with his blanket person under one arm and another little blanket that I slept with last night so it would smell like me under his other arm.

So tonight was night one of trying my own version of the "Lindsay method" of getting Lucas to sleep. I started at 8:00 giving him a bath and then he got on his footed pjs. After that we read Guess How Much I Love You and then I nursed him. At 9:00 he was pretty much asleep as I carried him into his room and gently zipped him into his sleep sack. At least he was asleep until his head touched the crib mattress. Usually at this point I would pick him back up and rock him back to sleep before putting him back into his crib. Instead I sang the song that my mom sang to us every night before tucking us in. Then I kissed him on his head several times and told him I loved him before I turned around, walked out and shut the door.

I didn't even make it to the couch before I burst into tears. I usually have a pretty high crying tolerance, but there was something about knowing I was intentionally going to let him cry that did break my heart as everyone predicted. It is so funny. All night long I knew this was coming and I was so sure of myself that I could handle it. It's not like I pick him up every time he cries... but there I was at 9:01 sobbing. Curt just didn't help the situation either. I know he was TRYING to be helpful but he couldn't understand why I was crying. He also thought I was joking when I suggested that it might not be so bad if Lucas just sleep in our arms until he moved out of the house.

At 9:05 I went in with a brave face on and when he saw me Lucas stopped crying. I know he thought I was coming in to pick him up. Instead I rubbed his tummy, told him I loved him and that it was bed time. I kissed his head a few more times and turned around and went out the door. He was quiet for about a minute. I think I caught him off guard. He started to cry louder when he realized I had left him once again.

At 9:15 I walked back in and it was a repeat of what happened the first time I went in his room except this time when I went to rub his tummy he grabbed my fingers with his little hands and held on for dear life. He little eyes were so full of tears but again I kissed him told him I loved him and that it was bead time and I walked out.

Then a miracle happened just a few minutes before 9:30 (which is the next time I was going to check on Lucas) I couldn't hear him crying through the door anymore. I went and turned the baby monitor up to see if he was crying softly but I didn't hear a thing. Deciding to check on him anyway I tiptoed in his room and there I found him sleeping away (see above picture.)

I know it probably won't be this "easy" every time. I know I'll probably have to start back at square one tomorrow, (or maybe even tonight after his feedings) but at least I have this one successful night under my belt. Even though he went to sleep on his own it feels bittersweet. I'm so glad that this is the start of him being able to go to sleep on his own but on the other hand I hated hearing him cry knowing I decided to let him keep crying over and over again. It is also one more piece of evidence that he won't be a baby forever and that he is growing up and one day won't even want his mommy to tuck him in anymore.