Dear Lucas (23 Weeks),

My sweet little boogs, I think this week I might have grown and changed as much as you did. This week I connected with friends I hadn't talked to in years. Everyone seemed to be doing something exciting like world traveling, or going to GRAD school, or had some big fancy jobs. Honestly, as I was catching up with everyone and telling them how I went from Graduating from College with honors to now being a stay at home Mom I started to feel like there was something missing or like my friends are better than me now. I have always looked up to stay at home parents. My Dad, your Grandpa, was a stay at home Dad after he retired from the Army and I think Lori and I turned out so well because of it. Somehow when it comes to me though after comparing myself to everyone else, ing a stay at home mom made me feel like I wasn't as good as everyone else. This didn't last long because just as I was starting to feel down on myself you woke up from your nap smiling and wanting to give me your open mouthed slober baby kisses.

I started to think about how on the first day of my last photography class, Mrs. Jensen asked us all to write down what our dream job was. I thought for a long time about writing down something like Magazine editor, or country star, or maybe a Professional Photographer but I wrote down my real dream job... Stay at home mom. I always knew that when I had kids and if it were possible, I would want to be a stay at home mom, (at least while my kids were little). I just wasn't planning for this dream coming true so soon.

I am realizing sometimes I am not in control of things as much as I like to think I am. I hadn't planned on my dream coming true when it did but you are here now and I have never regretted that even for a second. I've realized I'm doing something pretty spectacular. I am raising a little human being. I get to watch you grow and change everyday and develop your own little personality. I can go to Grad school, work, or travel the world any old time. Besides how lucky am I that at 24 I am living one of my dreams? Not many people can say that! Also, I don't have to worry about missing any of your firsts because I'm trying to balance you and something else. I have so much to look forward to. I get to see you take your first steps, I'll get to hear you say your first word, and cheer you on as you practice your ABC's and 123's. I wouldn't trade a single moment with you for anything in the world. I have known this all along I just want to apologize to you for it taking 23 weeks to realize it.

You've had a pretty amazing week yourself and you kept me laughing through it all. One of the funny things you did happened last night. Your drool-phobic Dad was holding you up in the air above his face and was talking to you while you were laughing hysterically (while drooling). Before your Dad even realized what was happening some of your fresh baby drool landed in his mouth and he started to FREAK OUT! He quickly handed you over to me and went and washed out his mouth. I couldn't stop laughing. I thought that was funny until what happened tonight! We went to dinner with your Grandpa & Grandma Hunter and you were starting to get a little fussy because it was VERY close to your bedtime. Your Dad was doing his best at trying to make you happy but it just wasn't working. You reached for my just refilled glass of ice water and dumped it all into your Daddy's lap. He looked like he was the one that needed to wear diapers and he was a little embarrassed but I couldn't stop laughing once again! In between laughter I kept saying "Man I love this kid!" I'm sure you did some pretty neat things that I will remember in a few hours but right now all I can think about are how much you made me laugh this week.

I love you to the moon and back!
Momma