My sister is pregnant again and it just feels so bitter sweet. I am so happy and excited for her and my brother-in-law. They are fabulous parents and they make beautiful babies. I already love the little one growing in her belly. But I also know I'm building up my walls preparing for all the questions that will come along with friends and extended family that probably have no clue that we've been trying to have another baby for so long. "Oh my gosh, aren't you so excited to be an aunt again?" "Well, when are YOU going to have another baby?" "Your brother has 4 kids now and soon your sister will have 3, when are you going to catch up?" I know they are coming because I heard them (and more) when my brother and his wife were expecting their fourth child. Don't get me wrong I KNOW people mean well but hearing those things is like rubbing salt in a wound.
The thing that makes me the most sad is that I know my sister is going to be concerned about hurting me. I don't want to steal even an ounce of her joy. I don't want her to feel guilty over anything or feel like she can't share this part of her life with me to protect my feelings.
Music is the one thing that always seems to help. If I'm having a rough time I can put in my earphones, crank up my music and shut the world out. Last week during one of my lowest days I heard this song on the radio and I've been listening to it on repeat ever since.