3 Going on 13 Part 2

Yesterday when Lucas told me, "I don't like you anymore," I didn't phase me at all. I knew it was just part of being a parent. I told him that it wasn't nice to tell people that and he told me "yes mam" and we went about our business.

Well this afternoon we were headed to the grocery store and telling each other knock knock jokes. We are having a good time and then out of nowhere his mood changes and he yells at me "I don't like you! I don't like you, I HATE YOU!" The minute the last three words came out of his mouth I could feel the tears in my eyes. I know that I'm probably going to hear those three words MANY times over the next few yeas. For some reason though hearing those words come out of my three-year-old's mouth stung.

He immediately knew something was up and kept quietly saying "Don't cry please." I just told him that he hurt my feelings a little bit. I parked the car and was over it. As I picked him up to get him out of his car seat he threw his arms around my neck and said "I don't hate you, I'm sorry."

Two Knock-Knock Jokes Especially for Brandi

Mattel Announces the Metro-Savannah Barbie Collection

One of my friends emailed this to me and it cracked me up so much that I just had to share.

"Richmond Hill Barbie"
This princess Barbie is sold only in the Richmond Hill area. She comes with an assortment of Kate Spade Handbags, a Lexus SUV, a long-haired foreign dog named Honey and a cookie-cutter house. Available with or without tummy tuck and face lift. Workaholic Ken sold only in conjunction with the augmented version.

"Arsdley Park Barbie"
The modern day homemaker Barbie is available with Ford Windstar Minivan and matching gym outfit. She gets lost easily and has no full-time occupation. Traffic jamming cell phone sold separately.

" Effingham Barbie"
This recently paroled Barbie comes with a 9mm handgun, a Ray Lewis knife, a Chevy with dark tinted windows, and a Meth Lab Kit. This model is only available after dark and must be paid for in cash (preferably small, untraceable bills) unless you are a cop...then we don't know what you are talking about.

" The Landings Barbie"
This yuppie Barbie comes with your choice of BMW convertible or Hummer H2. Included are her own Starbucks cup, credit card and country club membership. Also available for this set are Shallow Ken and Private School Skipper. You won't be able to afford any of them.


" Pooler Barbie"
This pale model comes dressed in her own Wrangler jeans two sizes too small, a NASCAR t-shirt and tweety bird tattoo on her shoulder. She frequents Bahama Bob's. She has a six-pack of Bud Lite and a Hank Williams Jr. CD set. She can spit over 5 feet and kick mullet-haired Ken's butt when she is drunk. Purchase her pickup truck separately and get a confederate flag bumper sticker absolutely free.

"Pembroke Barbie"
This tobacco-chewing, brassy-haired Barbie has a pair of her own high-heeled sandals with one broken heel from the time she chased beer-gutted Ken out of Statesboro Barbie's house. Her ensemble includes low-rise acid-washed jeans, fake fingernails, and a see-through halter-top. Also available with a mobile home.

" Tybee Island Barbie"
This doll is made of actual tofu. She has long straight brown hair, arch-less feet, hairy armpits, no makeup and Birkenstocks with white socks. She prefers that you call her Willow . She does not want or need a Ken doll, but if you purchase two Condo Barbies and the optional Subaru wagon, you get a rainbow flag bumper sticker for free.

"Southside Barbie"
This Barbie now comes with a stroller and infant doll. Optional accessories include a GED and bus pass. Gangsta Ken and his 1979 Caddy were available, but are now very difficult to find since the addition of the infant.


" Club One Barbie/Ken Combo Doll"
This versatile doll can be easily converted from Barbie to Ken by simply adding or subtracting the multiple snap-on parts.

I think Someone has been spying on us...

because these are so true.

How to shower like a WOMAN
1. Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks.
2. Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
3. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note to do more sit-ups.
4. Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah, and pumice stone.
5. Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins.
6. Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.
7. Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced with natural avocado oil. Leave on hair for 15 minutes.
8. Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red.
9. Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash.
10. Complain because your husband has been eating your ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash.
11. Rinse conditioner off hair.
12. Shave armpits and legs.
13. Turn off shower.
14. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower Spray mold spots with Tilex.
15. Get out of shower.
16. Dry with towel the size of a small country.
17. Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.
18. Check entire body for zits, tweeze unwanted hairs.
19. Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head.
20. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.

How To Shower Like a MAN
1. Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile.
2. Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see wife along the way, shake wiener at her making the 'woo-woo' sound.
3. Look at your manly physique in the mirror. Admire the size of your wiener and scratch your ass.
4. Get in the shower.
5. Wash your face.
6. Wash your armpits.
7. Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse it off.
8. Make fart noises (real or artificial) and laugh at how loud they sound in the shower.
9. Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area.
10. Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs stuck on the soap.
11. Shampoo your hair.
12. Taste your wife's ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash.
13. Make a Shampoo Mohawk.
14. Pee.
15. Rinse off and get out of shower.
16. Partially dry off. Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of tub the whole time.
17. Admire wiener size in mirror again.
18. Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on.
19. Return to bedroom with towel around your waist. If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake wiener at her and make the 'woo-woo' sound again.
20. Throw wet towel on bed.