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Tuesday, May 10, 2011

The 2,000th Post

This is my 2,000th post!!!!
On Wednesday I am supposed to take a pregnancy test. I honestly don't "feel" pregnant but I guess we will see. (I did cheat a take a test this morning and it was negative so it is a pretty safe bet to say that I am not pregnant. For the first time in a long time though I was fine with the results. It hasn't ruined my day and I didn't even tear up) I have an appointment with my Doctor on Thursday morning. Originally the plan was that if I was not pregnant after 3 cycles on clomid he would up the dosage. However, as of right now I don't think I want to take any more Clomid. I'm not saying I won't give clomid anther go in the future just not right now. We still would love to have another baby but I think I need a take a few steps back and regroup. So for now we are still trying just without fertility drugs, charts, ovulation tests, and scheduled "dates" with my husband.

Last year when we started this process I thought we would be pregnant by now (and in all honesty I that I would be already holding a baby in my arms.) A few months ago I read the quote, "Want to make God laugh? Tell him your plans," and I guess that is pretty appropriate in this situation. I know I've said this before but these last few months have really been a roller coaster ride. I got so caught up in doing EVERYTHING by the book and each time I finished a cycle I would be so heartbroken when I wasn't pregnant. I just can't live like that.

I know it is cliche but I am really trying to embrace the mantra "let go and let God." After all Lucas was a huge surprise. I was just about to Graduate from college and enter the working world. I was shocked when I found out that I was pregnant because I wasn't ready. I didn't want kids just yet. Here I am going on 6 years as a stay-at-home mom and I wouldn't want it any other way.

So on Thursday the plan is to ask the doctor if there is a medication that will help me live with PCOS a little easier. I have been researching on my own and I am hoping he will put me on metformin (glucophage.) If he doesn't feel like that is not an option for me and there is nothing out there that will work to keep my hormones in check, it is a possibility that I will ask to be put back on birth control. I've prayed about all of this and I feel at peace with this decision.

As always Curtis is being so supportive. He would love another child as well but he is okay if it is not in the cards for us. He just hates seeing me upset or stressed. He's even told me to just pretend that I don't have PCOS and the reason we are having difficulty getting pregnant is that it is all his fault, just so I won't feel sad.

We still have so much to look forward to this year. Lucas gets out of school in five weeks and we have a whole summer of fun ahead of us. Lucas will turn 6 on July 27th. Our 10th wedding anniversary is August 10th. Lucas will get a new cousin in October. Then I turn the big 30 on January 1st.

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