I'm Now a Working Mom

At the end of June I put in my application at the airport to work for United. I needed a distraction from what has been the last year of my life (the whole trying to get pregnant but not being successful at getting knocked up thing.) Plus there is the whole the cost of everything is going up lately except our income, especially since I haven't been babysitting for several months.

By the end of July I got a call asking if I was still interested in the job (I was) so I went in for an interview. The next day I was offered the job and I took it. Since I am working at the airport I had to go though all kids of background checks and screening and pass a class to get my ID badge since I am allowed in special areas of the airport. So as of August 3rd I went from being a SAHM to a part time ramp agent. At United everyone starts our at the ramp then they can move up (if they want) to a ticket agent (which I think I would like to do, because who doesn't want to be yelled at by passengers stuck in an airport far from home... sign me up for that!)

So far I just love the job. It is exciting. I love the people I work with even though most of them can't understand why I am working there if I have a college degree (the hours let me still have the benefits of being a SAHM during the day and I just work a couple nights a week.) Oh and did I mention the flight benefits!!!! For just $50 a year I can fly around the world and so can Curtis, Lucas, my parents, and my in-laws. I might finally get to see Paris one day!

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What is a Ramp Agent?

Ramp agents are responsible for all ground servicing of an aircraft while in the airport between flights. Typically, this means preparing for aircraft arrival by readying the wheel chocks, beltloaders (for unloading baggage), and various other machinery used in aircraft maintenance. When the aircraft arrives, ramp agents are responsible for guiding the pilots with hand signals or orange flashlight wands into position next to the gate. When the plane comes to a stop, ramp agents chock the wheels of the plane and guide the jetbridge (the enclosed ramp connecting the airport gate to the aircraft) to the aircraft door.

Working conditions for ramp agents can be difficult at times. Most work is performed outside in all types of weather, and ear plugs are usually necessary because of aircraft engine noise. Agents sometimes must work quickly to ready a plane for departure, and weather delays can cause several flights to arrive at the same time, making for hectic schedules.

Dear Lucas (6 years),

Happy Birthday, my sweet baby boy! It is hard to believe that you are six years old. Soon you will be starting First grade but for now I am glad we still have a few more weeks of summer to keep having fun. Here is what we've done so far:

We discovered a nearby swimming hole thanks to some friends. It's like our own little local beach.

To celebrate the 4th of July we had a pool party at Grandma & Grandpa's house and then had a cookout with friends and shot off fireworks together.

The following week we went to Saint Simons Island for our family reunion.

After our family reunion you went home with Levi and stayed with your cousins for a week.

On the way home we stopped at the gas station with a petting zoo. I realized later we had stopped there exactly a year ago. The first time we stopped there we were headed to Atlanta to have your eyes checked under anesthesia. Your Dad and I were so scared back then.

This summer you and Gabriel have decided that the two of you are best friends since David has seemed to pair off with Jake. It works out since the four of you play together quite often and nobody gets left out this way. You four usually play together while the adults play board games or chat over coffee. The four of you will also be at the same school this year.

One of my favorite things that we've done this summer was to sneak off and get frozen yogurt at bedtime. We had such a good time sitting outside and giggling together under the stars.

Your cousin Kaliegh came down from Massachusetts to visit her Dad for the summer and we got her a few times while she was here. You had a blast hanging out with her and Steven.

Your favorite toy right now are Lego blocks. Your friend Bella sent you a gift card to WalMart for your birthday and you knew what you wanted to pick out before you even got to the store- big boy Lego sets. Before know all you had were the ones for toddlers. You haven't put them down since you got them.

Last night while you were sleeping I filled your floor with balloons. In the morning you were so excited to wake up to your room decorated. I did the same thing last year and I think it is a tradition that we will keep around.

Tonight we celebrated at home and you opened presents from us and then blew out your birthday candles. On Sunday we will have your birthday party and celebrate with your family and a few friends. I can't wait to see what this year has in store for us.

I love you to the moon and back,

Mommy

The 2,000th Post

This is my 2,000th post!!!!

On Wednesday I am supposed to take a pregnancy test. I honestly don't "feel" pregnant but I guess we will see. (I did cheat a take a test this morning and it was negative so it is a pretty safe bet to say that I am not pregnant. For the first time in a long time though I was fine with the results. It hasn't ruined my day and I didn't even tear up) I have an appointment with my Doctor on Thursday morning. Originally the plan was that if I was not pregnant after 3 cycles on clomid he would up the dosage. However, as of right now I don't think I want to take any more Clomid. I'm not saying I won't give clomid anther go in the future just not right now. We still would love to have another baby but I think I need a take a few steps back and regroup. So for now we are still trying just without fertility drugs, charts, ovulation tests, and scheduled "dates" with my husband.

Last year when we started this process I thought we would be pregnant by now (and in all honesty I that I would be already holding a baby in my arms.) A few months ago I read the quote, "Want to make God laugh? Tell him your plans," and I guess that is pretty appropriate in this situation. I know I've said this before but these last few months have really been a roller coaster ride. I got so caught up in doing EVERYTHING by the book and each time I finished a cycle I would be so heartbroken when I wasn't pregnant. I just can't live like that.

I know it is cliche but I am really trying to embrace the mantra "let go and let God." After all Lucas was a huge surprise. I was just about to Graduate from college and enter the working world. I was shocked when I found out that I was pregnant because I wasn't ready. I didn't want kids just yet. Here I am going on 6 years as a stay-at-home mom and I wouldn't want it any other way.

So on Thursday the plan is to ask the doctor if there is a medication that will help me live with PCOS a little easier. I have been researching on my own and I am hoping he will put me on metformin (glucophage.) If he doesn't feel like that is not an option for me and there is nothing out there that will work to keep my hormones in check, it is a possibility that I will ask to be put back on birth control. I've prayed about all of this and I feel at peace with this decision.

As always Curtis is being so supportive. He would love another child as well but he is okay if it is not in the cards for us. He just hates seeing me upset or stressed. He's even told me to just pretend that I don't have PCOS and the reason we are having difficulty getting pregnant is that it is all his fault, just so I won't feel sad.

We still have so much to look forward to this year. Lucas gets out of school in five weeks and we have a whole summer of fun ahead of us. Lucas will turn 6 on July 27th. Our 10th wedding anniversary is August 10th. Lucas will get a new cousin in October. Then I turn the big 30 on January 1st.

Happy Mother's Day

I love the homemade gifts that come along with being a Mom. Lucas made me 3 cards and a heart vase.

Lucas thinks I am a year younger and several pounds lighter than I am... I really love that kid!

What to Expect When You are NOT Expecting

Our third round of Clomid is nearing the end. Luckily I haven't dealt with any real bad side effects this month. I need to make an appointment to go see the Doctor in a few weeks. Originally the plan was to get a higher dosage of Clomid if the first 3 cycles don't work but I keep going back and forth on what I want to do next. Some days I am DONE and I just want to go back to our life before we started trying for a baby. Just when I start to feel okay with no longer trying then I will find out that a friend is pregnant or see a new baby or notice siblings playing and my heart will start aching.

This has been such a roller coaster ride. I didn't know before starting this journey just how hard this would be emotionally. Even though I'm not pregnant this whole process hasn't been all bad. It has brought Curt and I are even closer. It is also strengthening my Faith. I've gotten back into doing devotions and I've been trying to rely on God for comfort even though I've had more than my share of "Really, God?!" moments and I'm still struggling with them.

Another hard part of this whole process is learning to ignore people's comments. I know so many friends and family mean well but sometimes I can't get over what people say without thinking. I don't mind answering questions about how things are going and I appreciate prayers and words of support but some things are better left unsaid. Here are just a few of the ones I remember off the top of my hear:

*"Why aren't you pregnant yet?" (Because trying is so much fun)

*"You just need to have more sex" (What? Sex? We haven't thought of trying yet. Thanks!)

*"Just relax and let it happen" (Right because THAT is how you make a baby)

*"I understand what you are going through, it took us 2 days to get pregnant with are 59th child" (Okay so maybe on this one I might have exaggerated a tiny bit)

*"Do you really want another baby anyway? You would have to start all over and that would suck" (What? Babies are hard work? I didn't realize that.)

*"You should just be glad you were able to have one child, some people can't have any kids at all" (Yes, apparently wanting a sibling for my child is unthinkable and by wanting another child that makes us ungrateful for our Son we've been blessed with and we are horrible people)

The other thing I hate about struggling to get pregnant is that I know my pregnant friends and family might feel strange around me. It is bittersweet to hear someone else is pregnant. I am happy for them but sad for us and but after a good private cry after the initial announcement I am good. I still love talking about pregnancy and babies. I also love watching the baby bumps grow and seeing all those sweet pictures of newborns.

So if you are the praying type please keep us in your prayers. We have to decide where to go from here. This would all be so much easier if Lucas was still praying every night, "Dear God, please don't give me a baby brother or sister." However, out of nowhere Lucas has started to ask for a baby sister.

Dear Lucas (5 years 8 months 2 weeks and 1 Day),

Since my monthly letter is two weeks late I thought just this month I would cheat a little bit and ask you a few questions.

1.What is something mom always says to you? "No"

2. What makes mom happy? "I be good at school"

3. What makes mom sad? "When I don't behave at school."

4. How does your mom make you laugh? "Tickles me"

5. What was your mom like as a child? "Maybe bored"

6. How old is your mom? "16" (That would mean I had you when I was 10)

7. How tall is your mom? "2 foot, no 2 inches, no 4 inches tall" (The funny thing about this answer if you pointed at squinted your eyes at me like you were measuring)

8. What is her favorite thing to do? "Play on the wii because you play on the wii with me"

9. What does your mom do when you're not around? "Play on the wii" (nope, I think we can see your most recent obsession is the Wii)

10. If your mom becomes famous, what will it be for? "Being a Super star, a rock star"

11. What is your mom really good at? "writing, because I get all my "s"s wrong" (You are always impressed by how fast I can write and how I know how to form my letters)

12. What is your mom not very good at? "punching in the face"

13. What does your mom do for a job? "babysitting"

14.What is your mom's favorite food? "Spaghetti" (So not my favorite food, but it's what we just finished eating)

15.What makes you proud of your mom? "When we went to Caden's birthday party and I came home and played on the wii and Daddy didn't know what he was supposed to do so you played with me instead"

16. If your mom were a cartoon character, who would she be? "Maybe Mickey Mouse"

17. What do you and your mom do together? "play on the wii"

18. How are you and your mom the same? "because we are both white, I mean peach colored. Why are we peach colored?"

19. How are you and your mom different? "Because we don't have the same birthday numbers"

20. How do you know your mom loves you? "Because her plays on the wii with me sometimes" (You are just like your Dad, the way to your heart is video games)

21. What does your mom like most about your dad? "He is nice and only sometimes mad."

Snuggle buggle, I love you to the moon and back,

Mommy

Counting Every Day

This baby making stuff is more complicated then I thought it would be. We are in the middle of round 2 of trying with fertility medicine. Each round is a pretty lengthy process of about a month and a half (around 48 days.)

• Take Provera 2x a day for a week.
• Wait for another week for period to start (the start of it is day 1)
• Day 5-9 take clomid once a day
• Day 5-20 take mucinex one a day
• Day 12, 14, 16, 18, 20 "spend time together"
• Day 34 take a pregnancy test. If it's negative begin the whole cycle again.

If this second cycle doesn't work I have a RX for a third try. If that doesn't work then I go back to the doctor for higher dosage drugs. At this point I don't think I'm going to opt for the stronger drugs.

Guilty of Attempted Baby Making

We just finished our first attempt at baby making and it was unsuccessful. For some reason I didn't think we would wind up pregnant right away, but it is still disappointing. I took 5 different pregnancy tests over a week, and they all came back negative (I guess that's where the phrase "pissing your money away" comes from.... shh don't tell my Mom I just typed that.)

It is a very odd thing to suddenly be trying to get pregnant after all the years I spent trying to prevent it. Lucas was a complete surprise, we hadn't planned on having kids just yet. I didn't have to pop pills or count days of my cycle or lay in bed with my legs up in the air. He just kind of showed up. This trying to make a baby thing is a lot harder and more emotionally draining then it was just finding out "oops, we're having a baby." It makes me wonder if we missed our chance to have another one because we spent so much time preventing it.

I know we haven't been trying that long... only about 6 months but it's still hard. I haven't really talked about it with anyone because I feel almost guilty wanting another child when I already have one healthy amazing kid, like we already won the lottery but it still is not enough.

Speaking of Lucas, the other night I asked him to pray before bed instead of me doing it. He totally prayed "Dear God, please don't give me a baby brother or sister." Well, I guess one of our prayers is being answered. I keep telling myself that God gave us Lucas when it was the right time and if it is His right timing again it will happen, but I'm a pretty stubborn "I want it my way kind of girl." Personally, I think right now is a FABULOUS time to get pregnant. He or She would be born before my 30th birthday and before the deadline to claim the new baby on taxes. :-)

I still have prescriptions for two more rounds of attempted baby making (wow, that sounds like a criminal charge.) If that doesn't work I am supposed to go back to the OBGYN and get him to up the dosage. I don't know if I will do that or not. After two more rounds I'm not sure if I want to keep going this round or not. I am thinking about just requesting to be put on metformin for my PCOS and stop all of the keeping track of cycles and scheduled baby making. My appointment isn't until April though so I guess I just have to wait and see. Until then I'll be popping pills (I am actually due for my next Provera pill right NOW), counting days, and waiting by the mailbox for my copy of "Fertility for Dummies" to come in the mail.

Eye Need Glasses

Last Saturday, Curtis had an eye appointment and since I hadn't really had an eye exam in about 15 years I decided to go with him. Recently I noticed that when I closed my right eye the outline of things looked fuzzy, but with both eyes I could see fine. I figured at the most the eye doctor would tell me that I should wear glasses when I drive or at night or something. I was quite surprised when the doctor told me that I should be wearing glasses full time. Although technically the doctor did tell me I can still legally drive without glasses.

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I ended picking out glasses but I was and am not happy about it. They still have not come yet and I am quite fine with that. They are supposed to be here in 7-10 business days (from last Saturday) so they should be arriving next week I guess. I know I am being a big baby about this especially since both my husband and son wear glasses full time, and I like THEM in glasses.

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I just hate wearing glasses on my face! Even in the summer when I would put on sunglasses after a few minutes they always end up perched on top of my head. I avoid 3-D movies because the feeling of the glasses sitting on my nose drives me batty. I know contacts could be an option but the thought of having to shove something on my eyeball doesn't appeal to me. Maybe I will feel differently once I look at the world through my prescription

Party of Five

Right before Christmas, Curt's sister Samantha and her son Caden moved in with us. Sam got a job right down the street from us and I watch Caden while she as at work. The extra roommates are just temporary but there haven't been any issues at all. It's actually been really nice having them here. I really like having another female in the house and Sam and I are only 8 months apart and both Moms of boys so we have quite a bit in common. She helps around the house and we take turns making runs to the grocery store. Another nice benefit to her being here is that Curt and I have already gone out on two dates without Lucas. We have a third planned for Friday night!

Here Goes Nothing

Back in August, we took care of our nephew Joseph while my sister was busy giving birth to Joshua. Lucas and Joseph were so sweet together and Joseph even slept the entire night in Lucas bed.

After Joseph went back home Curt started talking about wanting another child. This was a big shock to me since for the whole 9 years we've been married he has always said he just wanted one child. Before I was diagnosed with PCOS I always dreamed about having 2 kids. Then not long after Curt and I were married I found out I had PCOS and might have trouble getting pregnant. When I found out I was pregnant with Lucas it was a complete surprise and I was just happy that God blessed us with one child.

People would ask us ALL THE TIME, "when are you having another baby," and we would tell them we were good with one. I didn't think Curt would ever change his mind, and I was fine with that because I didn't want to deal with the heartache of trying to have another child and then not being able to get pregnant again. But then Lucas had to go and be all sweet to his little nephew and suddenly Curt and I found ourselves talking about baby names and I stopped taking my birth control pills.

For some reason I thought I would get pregnant right away and I bought a million pregnancy tests knowing that I would get a positive test right away. When this didn't happen we decided to just have fun and if pregnancy happened it happened but we weren't going to stress about it. Then my PCOS symptoms starting rearing their ugly heads... bad acne, hair growth, weight gain, skin tags, pain from cysts, and no menstrual cycle. I hated to even leave the house some days. So I made an appointment before Thanksgiving with my midwife. I got a referral to another Doctor and on December 30th I walked out with a prescription for provera and clomid. I walked out of the office freaking out because it finally seemed real that we might have another baby.


On the way to drop off my prescription I asked Lucas what he thought about having a little brother or sister. He said he wanted an older brother and would maybe like a little brother. I asked him what he would think if he had a little sister and without skipping a beat he answered, "I'd hate her." Guess it's a good thing boys seem to run in our family. So far my parents have 6 Grandsons.


I still needed a few days for everything to sink in and I started taking Provera on January 3rd. I was told to take 1 pill twice a day for 7 days. I finished the last dose tonight. Now I wait for my period to show up and then 5 days from then I start clomid. So 2011 could end up being quite the exciting year! We will celebrate our 10th anniversary and possibly the birth of our second child.

Dear Lucas (5 years 4 Months),

So here we are and another year is coming to a close. We just had a wonderful Thanksgiving and we have so many reasons to be thankful. It has been so much fun to decorate our new house for the holidays. I'm also thankful that we have more room to have family and friends over more often.

Your cousin Steven has been coming to spend the weekend with us once a month. You really enjoy him being here. He is 12 but he is so awesome about treating you like a big kid. When he was here this time you guys built a tower of books at the Children's Book Festival and built periscopes at the Lowe's kids clinic. When he left this last time you were so upset to see him leave that you cried. It was so sad.

A few weeks ago your Dad helped build a house that is going to be on a show called "Extreme Makeover Home Edition." He helped his co-worker install shower doors and mirrors in all the bathrooms. We went down there a few times to see the house being built and you thought it was so cool because for once you could see "where" your Dad was working. I can't wait to see the episode when it airs in a few weeks! We might have to let you stay up and watch it too!

Last week we got together at your Grandparents' house to celebrate your cousin Colby's 7Th birthday. It was the first time since Joshua was born that all six grandsons were together in one place. Matthew is about to graduate from High School in a few months and Joseph and Joshua may be moving away soon so opportunities like this one will become few and far between.

Before school got out for Thanksgiving your teacher put together a special feast. You guys got dressed up in costumes that you made and sang three songs. Then it was time to feast on things like fruit, cheese, veggies, pumpkin pie, and apple juice. I love times like that when I get to be called "Lucas' Mom" and get to see you interacting with your teacher and classmates.

This weekend we went to Holly Days in downtown Savannah for the first time. You got a chance to play in "snow" and you loved it. You ran around and threw snowballs, made snow angels, and just had a blast. I hope one day before you are grown that we can take you to somewhere with REAL snow on the ground but until then this was pretty awesome.

The other cool thing we did at Holly Days was go "ice skating." Well, according to you it is "board skating" because it was more like you were skating on a big cutting board. You have never roller skated or ice skated but you were a natural. I was worried that you were too young and that I was wasting the $5 renting you skates. You sure proved me wrong, You were a natural! You begged to take the ice skates home with you. I can't wait to take you in a few weeks to go ice skating at the Civic Center.

I just know this is going to be the best Christmas yet. You are so excited and it is rubbing off on me. Before Thanksgiving you were begging to put up decorations. I let you have our little old tree that we used when we lived in the trailer and it is now your night light. Some days you will decorate it with your toys. One day you put a construction hat on the top and toy tools on the branches and one day you had a Super hero action figure tree. I can't wait to see what you come up with next.

Little one, I love you to the moon and back,
Mommy

Extreme Makeover Home Edition

The Extreme Makeover Home Edition bus arrived in Savannah over the weekend and we went to check it out. Curt will be there Tuesday morning to help put in shower doors and mirrors.

Bedtime Conversation

Lucas: "I love you"
Me: "I love you more"
Lucas: "No, I love you more"
Me: "Nope, I love you more."
Lucas: "Nope, cause Mommy, I love you to infinity and beyond."

In Honor of Banned Book Week

During my senior year at Windsor Forest High School, a parent tried to ban books that were part of our summer reading for my AP English Class. The parent wanted books and movies pulled from classes from both Advanced and AP Junior and Senior classes. He didn't read any of the books himself but flipped through them and saw they had bad words in them. After an article appeared in "Creative Loafing" railing against my teachers I wrote a letter to the editor saying that they should talk to the kids and teachers involved. A reporter at Savannah Morning News saw my letter and called me and interviewed me for a story about the banning. When the community caught wind of the story there were school board meetings and the community united against the banning and the books were added back into our curriculum. The news articles are still available online (except for Creative Loafing)

A War Over Words November 16,1999

Community Protests Censorship November 18, 1999

Book Ban Lifted at Windsor Forest High School November 19, 1999

Reading Between the Lines of the Book Ban December 5, 1999

AASU hosts Sebastian Dangerfield talk on Irish literature March 9, 2000

A few months after the book ban was over we were invited to attend a lecture at AASU. When it was publicized that the book ban would be spoofed at the lecture the field trip was canceled. A few of us decided to still go and so we signed out of school for various reasons and attended anyway (with permission from our parents.) Before the lecture, we got our picture snapped with a fake protester for our teachers who were not allowed to be there.

Dear Lucas (5 years old),

I have a feeling that "5" just became your favorite number. I know it sounds cliche but it doesn't seem like you should be five already and about to start Kindergarten. I think four was a pretty cool age and you packed so many things into one year (trips to Disney World and California, getting glasses, starting school.) I am excited to see what five brings.

The night before your birthday I snuck into your room and hung up a birthday banner and blew up balloons and covered your floor with them. You were so excited and happy when you woke up and kept asking, "Is it finally my real birthday? Is this my five birthday?" We got you a few presents and instead of giving them to you all at once, we spread them out through the day. I think it made all the birthday fun last longer.

I baked you a strawberry cake just like you asked for and we invited you friend Gabriel over to help you celebrate. You always seem to get two cakes every year, one on your birthday and one on your birthday party. The ironic thing about that is you don't even like cake. You just enjoy blowing out the candles.

Your birthday was pretty low key this year because we were all pretty tired from getting back from Atlanta. We had to go so that your eyes could get looked out closely. Your Dad was thankfully able to go with us and we left the night before since you had to be at the hospital so early. On the way to Atlanta we stopped for gas and stumbled on a petting zoo. It was a pretty fun start to our trip.

I found a cheap hotel for us to stay at and it had a pool so one of the first things we did when we go there was go for a swim. Knowing that you were turning five gave you a new sense of courage and you started jumping in the pool without any floats, goggles, or anyone catching you. You were so proud of yourself. Our room had a king sized bed in it and you were so happy you told us, "I'm going to sleep in the middle and this is going to be awesome because we will all be together."

The day before your birthday we got up and drove to the hospital to get you checked in and ready for your procedure. You were in pretty good spirits before hand and I was totally at peace about everything. I knew you would be okay because you had so many people praying and thinking about you from all over the world.

When you came back from the procedure you were very tired and upset and you just wanted your Mommy, so I snuggled you until it they released us. We got good news and they didn't find anything wrong with your retinas and that means no more trips to Atlanta. I don't know a better way to kick off your birthday.

Lucas, I love you to the moon and back,

Mommy