Quest

In the last few months I have started to attend church again after not really going for five years. I've also been part of a bible study with a few of the moms in our playgroup. We've been reading The Mission of Motherhood a few chapters at a time and then meeting on Wednesdays to discuss it. This book has shown me so many different ways to be a better mother and realizing just how important my job as "Lucas' Mommy" is.

I know I have mentioned the church thing here and there in my posts but I never really discuss it in depth. For some reason when it comes to personal things like my boobs I can go on and on but when it comes to something like God I clam up. I find myself too scared that I will offend or bore someone which is something I don't really struggle with when I write about any other subject. At the same time for a while I was only thinking about the "God stuff" on Sundays and Wednesdays but lately it just isn't enough anymore. The more I pray and the more I study and learn the more I feel like I am being spoken to on a deeper level. Even with all of these new and deeper spiritual "feelings" I still find myself struggling with having a basic faith.

Reason 3,985 Why I am glad we didn't have a girl after all is.....

there are now padded bras for little girls starting at size 6!

The last time I mention my boobs... (well at least for a little while)

Today was the first time in over a year that I have not nursed Lucas. Originally I had planned on stopping at exactly a year and then when he started weaning himself to once in the morning and once at night I thought I would continue through the winter. Well in the last few weeks Lucas started sleeping through the night again and only nursing in the morning. Starting last week he started to not want to nurse in the morning either. At first I thought he was teething so I took fenugreek to keep my supply up. I also started nursing him back in the rocking chair in his room with the lights off so he wasn't distracted. He is no longer teething and still refusing to nurse and I spent a few days this last week very FULL so I decided to go ahead and let him stop. I don't want my memory of our last nursing session to be of a screaming angry Lucas and a frustrated stressed out mom.

I feel a rare mix of emotions. In some ways I feel free that I no longer have a baby attached to my breast. Finally my body is completely mine again (well at least I think it is my body. I don't really recognize it since it looks so different from before I got pregnant.) I also feel proud of both of us for making it this long. It was very hard at first and we surpassed a few challenges that could have gotten me to give up a long time ago. Lucas will be 13 months on Sunday so that is a pretty big deal for both of us. However, at the same time I feel sad that he is taking yet another step in leaving babyhood behind.

I had a great Day Today

So I feel like I got something accomplished today! I planned out the menu for the week, went grocery shopping, came home and cleaned out the whole fridge and took out the shelves and drawers and washed them. It was not a pretty sight! I cleaned out two garbage bags full of old nasty food and drinks from the freezer and fridge. Gross I know.

Then I had dinner ready when Curt got home. I felt like a good wife. LOL Even though our house is still far from neat, the whole picking a few things to focus on is working out! Also I plan on having a talk with Curt about what we both expect as far as the house goes. ( Yeah we have been married for 3 1/2 years but we have never really discussed it) Most of our fights are not about money, but about cleaning.

If you haven't realized it by now I will randomly jump around from subject to subject. Dinner was nice but Sam and Steven didn't come. The smoke wasn't that bad, everyone is sweet about it and tries to keep it away from me without me even having to ask.

Poor Lisa is sick and I hope I don't catch it!

Oh one last thing, *PREGNANCY TOPIC WARNING* I cry at every commercial or show with a parent and their kid. Oh especially at the new hallmark commercial when the boy asks his mom if she has any "Sorry" cards... because he shaved his brothers hair. I can kill a box of Kleenexes watching Baby Story or Starting Over... Oh and Oprah today with the Tsunami stories had me balling!

Man when you are pregnant your boobs take on a life of their own! They are like you borrowed them from a stripper or something! They get bigger and the nipples get more sensitive. Last night it was kind of cold and I was watching Desperate Housewives (which I LOVE!) and it was cold in the living room but I had to see the end. By the time it was over my nipples were so cold I was literally crying in pain. My poor husband prob expected that someone died or I was bleeding the way I was carrying on. It seriously hurt so bad! I imagine that is how it feels when you great breast surgery. On that note I am going to go. Medium is almost on, and we watch that every Monday.

My Mood : Ecstatic Now Playing : Everwood from the living room where Curt is watching