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Sunday, February 20, 2011

Guilty of Attempted Baby Making

We just finished our first attempt at baby making and it was unsuccessful. For some reason I didn't think we would wind up pregnant right away, but it is still disappointing. I took 5 different pregnancy tests over a week, and they all came back negative (I guess that's where the phrase "pissing your money away" comes from.... shh don't tell my Mom I just typed that.)

It is a very odd thing to suddenly be trying to get pregnant after all the years I spent trying to prevent it. Lucas was a complete surprise, we hadn't planned on having kids just yet. I didn't have to pop pills or count days of my cycle or lay in bed with my legs up in the air. He just kind of showed up. This trying to make a baby thing is a lot harder and more emotionaCheck Spellinglly draining then it was just finding out "oops, we're having a baby." It makes me wonder if we missed our chance to have another one because we spent so much time preventing it.

I know we haven't been trying that long... only about 6 months but it's still hard. I haven't really talked about it with anyone because I feel almost guilty wanting another child when I already have one healthy amazing kid, like we already won the lottery but it still is not enough.

Speaking of Lucas, the other night I asked him to pray before bed instead of me doing it. He totally prayed "Dear God, please don't give me a baby brother or sister." Well, I guess one of our prayers is being answered. I keep telling myself that God gave us Lucas when it was the right time and if it is His right timing again it will happen, but I'm a pretty stubborn "I want it my way kind of girl." Personally, I think right now is a FABULOUS time to get pregnant. He or She would be born before my 30th birthday and before the deadline to claim the new baby on taxes. :-)

I still have prescriptions for two more rounds of attempted baby making (wow, that sounds like a criminal charge.) If that doesn't work I am supposed to go back to the OBGYN and get him to up the dosage. I don't know if I will do that or not. After two more rounds I'm not sure if I want to keep going this round or not. I am thinking about just requesting to be put on metformin for my PCOS and stop all of the keeping track of cycles and scheduled baby making. My appointment isn't until April though so I guess I just have to wait and see. Until then I'll be popping pills (I am actually due for my next Provera pill right NOW), counting days, and waiting by the mailbox for my copy of "Fertility for Dummies" to come in the mail.


MommyWise said...

I know your pain. It's a hard decision on whether to stop or continue.

In my case, it helps me a lot to know that another baby was just not in the plans (at least for now.) Although I didn't know it... it was bad timing. If I had to be taking care of my sister and her 4 kids and my 2 AND a baby I'd lose my mind! Obviously, God was trying to tell me something these last 2 years!

"Hey you... listen up... somethings coming up and you DON'T need a baby right now!"

Ah but the wanting.. the "empty-arms syndrome" is so intense!

But! Maybe later.

Also... hehe...I have probably bought over a hundred pregnancy tests just in the last year and a half!

Yeah, I'm crazy.

Lini said...

Sometimes it's so hard to trust in God's timing.

It sounds like you have a great doctor, but if you're ever interested in looking for a second opinion I would definitely recommend Lawrence Odom. He is the BEST doctor I have ever been to.

And, if you haven't discovered them yet, grab some Dollar Tree pregnancy tests! They work and they're, well, a dollar ;-)