Guilty of Attempted Baby Making

We just finished our first attempt at baby making and it was unsuccessful. For some reason I didn't think we would wind up pregnant right away, but it is still disappointing. I took 5 different pregnancy tests over a week, and they all came back negative (I guess that's where the phrase "pissing your money away" comes from.... shh don't tell my Mom I just typed that.)

It is a very odd thing to suddenly be trying to get pregnant after all the years I spent trying to prevent it. Lucas was a complete surprise, we hadn't planned on having kids just yet. I didn't have to pop pills or count days of my cycle or lay in bed with my legs up in the air. He just kind of showed up. This trying to make a baby thing is a lot harder and more emotionally draining then it was just finding out "oops, we're having a baby." It makes me wonder if we missed our chance to have another one because we spent so much time preventing it.

I know we haven't been trying that long... only about 6 months but it's still hard. I haven't really talked about it with anyone because I feel almost guilty wanting another child when I already have one healthy amazing kid, like we already won the lottery but it still is not enough.

Speaking of Lucas, the other night I asked him to pray before bed instead of me doing it. He totally prayed "Dear God, please don't give me a baby brother or sister." Well, I guess one of our prayers is being answered. I keep telling myself that God gave us Lucas when it was the right time and if it is His right timing again it will happen, but I'm a pretty stubborn "I want it my way kind of girl." Personally, I think right now is a FABULOUS time to get pregnant. He or She would be born before my 30th birthday and before the deadline to claim the new baby on taxes. :-)

I still have prescriptions for two more rounds of attempted baby making (wow, that sounds like a criminal charge.) If that doesn't work I am supposed to go back to the OBGYN and get him to up the dosage. I don't know if I will do that or not. After two more rounds I'm not sure if I want to keep going this round or not. I am thinking about just requesting to be put on metformin for my PCOS and stop all of the keeping track of cycles and scheduled baby making. My appointment isn't until April though so I guess I just have to wait and see. Until then I'll be popping pills (I am actually due for my next Provera pill right NOW), counting days, and waiting by the mailbox for my copy of "Fertility for Dummies" to come in the mail.

Toxic Synovitis

The last few days Lucas has been complaining that his leg hurts but then he would be running around so we figured it was growing pains. Then Wednesday afternoon Lucas he started complaining a little more that his leg hurt and was cramping up. We just thought he was tired from walking at the beach earlier that morning because we did A LOT of walking. Then last night he woke up several times in tears saying his leg hurt. I gave him some Tylenol and he went back to sleep. Then this morning he was limping around the house and in tears because his leg hurt so much. I ended up calling and making an appointment to see his doctor. Lucas did NOT want to go to the doctor. He kept trying to pretend he was okay. He remembered the last time he had to get blood drawn so the whole way there he kept trying to bribe me with a $1 if I would just take him home or to his cousin Joseph's house (who we were supposed to babysit for later)

He ended up having to get blood drawn and he was NOT a happy camper. After the nurse left Lucas asked me to draw something on the magnadoodle that was in the room with us. I wrote LUCAS IS BRAVE and he told me "no I'm not Mommy, I was scared and I cried" and then he asked if I would pray for him that his leg and his newly pricked finger would stop hurting, so we did. Lucas ended up getting diagnosed with Toxic Synovitis which kids commonly get after being sick (like his stomach bug last week) We were told to give him Motrin, but we can't right now since he has to be sedated on Monday for his eyes. So for now he is taking Tylenol when he absolutely has to have something for pain and taking Epsom salt baths.

On a side note his pediatrician just moved to a new office and it is so nice. Lucas was so excited to be in room 4, which is his lucky number (although I have a hunch it will be changing to 5 in just a few days.) Poor kid doesn't know he'll have to go back next week for his 5 year well check and get 4 shots. He was 38 lbs today and just shy of 42 inches (but he was wearing sneakers and last time he was measured he was wearing flip flops)

Wise Beyond His Years?!?

The other night Lucas was taking a bath and I went to start a load of clothes. When I walked back in the bathroom I found water everywhere. He had taken the bath towels and hand towels off the racks and put them in the bathtub and then threw them on the bathmat soaking wet and getting water everywhere. When I asked him what made him do something like that he looked at me and said, "because I knew you weren't in the bathroom to catch me doing it and I could get away with it while you were gone." His answer took me by surprise. I was expecting the usual shoulder shrug or an "I don't know."

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Then the following conversation happened today

Lucas: "Mommy I just prayed by myself"

Me: "What did you pray for?"

Lucas: "I prayed that my friends' Dad Mr.Sean would feel better and not be sick anymore."

Sean is David and Gabe's Dad, (the two boys that I babysit a few afternoons a week, and Lucas' best friends) and he wasn't feeling good today.

I Hate Hurricane Season

I've lived in Savannah on and off for about twenty years and I'm still not used to Hurricane season. I don't know why but Hurricane Hanna has got me FREAKED out! Ever since I've first heard about us being on the projected path I've been so anxious. I know that there is nothing I can do about it. I've been praying like crazy that it turns and doesn't come here but on one hand I feel silly praying about it because that means that it might hit places that other people live and like I think God should spare our house and not other peoples'. Maybe since everything is out of my control I should start praying for peace instead.

If the storm continues on the projected path and the call for a voluntary evacuation we are going to leave and not wait for the mandatory evacuation for several reasons. The first being that we live in a trailer and if a hurricane really does hit us I don't think it will still be standing after the storm. The second reason we will go is because I do not want to get stuck in traffic! When I was in high school there was a mandatory evacuation for Hurricane Floyd. It took us two hours to go from our house to the Savannah Mall (which would normally take about five minutes) and then several more hours before we got to my Grandma's house (which is usually less than 2 hours away.) It was a VERY long ride to go without food, water, or bathrooms. I'm going to avoid being stuck in traffic with a 3 year old (if at all possible.)

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Tomorrow I plan on straightening up around the house and making sure anything we would need to grab and pack is easily accessible. November 30th can't come soon enough!

Living on a Prayer

Last night one of my friends suggested I just take a decongestant. I did and the pain was almost instantly gone and it hasn't returned! YAY! Today I feel the best I have in almost two weeks. I am praying this lasts and I can get some housework done since we have been doing the bare minimum while we are sick.

Curt went back to the DR today and also did some Physical Therapy. The DR and PT are scared that the cartilage that holds the vertebrae together is shredded and no longer doing the job. They are talking about sending him for an MRI and if they are right he will probably have to have back surgery and get pins put in his back. I am praying that isn't the case.

It is WAY TOO HOT for the First Day of December*

It was so hard to get up this morning (and stay up) after going to a friends house last night to watch Grey's. I planned on going over there, watching it and maybe hanging out for a little while after but before I realized it was 2:45 AM before I headed home!!! We just hung out and talked but I can't remember the last time I had that much fun. I didn't get to bed until 3:30 AM and of course this was the morning that Lucas was up before 7AM.

After I gave Lucas breakfast I sat on the couch to let him play for a while before we headed to my parents house to stay with my Grandma. Somehow I feel asleep for a few minutes. I woke up to a giggling toddler standing in front of me and as I looked around the house I realized he had managed to TRASH it. He opened and pulled out all of his clothes from his drawers, found a box of trivial pursuit cards and opened them and dumped the whole box in the floor. Spread his toys ALL over the house, and managed to get this mysterious red liquid all over his clothes(I'm guessing he found a piece of lost Halloween candy since it looked a little like candy colored baby drool), and spray Curt's Nautica Cologne on himself. I was very happy that I had recently moved our kitchen trashcan to a baby proofed location or I'm sure he would have spread trash all over the place too. I felt guilty for falling asleep like that especially after finishing that book about becoming a better mom. If I had been a babysitter or a nanny watching Lucas I would have fired myself! I'm also very thankful that we have done such a good job baby proofing and he didn't hurt himself.

On the way to stay with my Grandma's I was not looking forward to spending the day there because I was so tired. It is usually difficult to try and take care of her and Lucas at the same time when I've had a full nights sleep. On the way there I just started to pray asking for patience and strength. When I pulled in the drive way I took a deep breath and walked in. I actually ended up having the best day ever watching my Grandma today. Everything went so smoothly. She didn't get frustrated or cry like she usually does because she can't move around that great by herself. Lucas didn't get into everything just played by himself when I had to cook meals. My Grandma rode her exercise bike for 20 minutes and we were all in good moods. Even when I put Lucas down for a nap and he didn't want to take one he just quietly planned in his pack-&-play for an hour.

When I got home I was in a good mood (despite my lack of sleep and trashed house.) Curt offered to go pick up dinner and Lucas was so tired from not having a nap all day he went to bed around 5PM and I was able to eat dinner with Curt and take a nap. I really think praying today made all the difference. While I don't think God magically made my day go smooth I think it just changed my mood about the situation and by me being positive it just rubbed off on the rest of my day.

*High of 78 Degrees