4 Year Well Child

This morning Lucas did not want to get out of bed. He just wanted to lay there and snuggle and every time I suggested that we get up for the day he would say "just a few more minutes." Normally it is me trying to convince Lucas to stay in bed snuggling for a few more minutes but Lucas was trying to stall because he knew he had a Doctor appointment today. He was a little nervous about going after his Dad informed him that he had to have shots. I finally convinced him to get up and got him bathed and dressed but he had to be coaxed out of the house and into the car.

Once we got to the Doctor he was fine and excited to see how big he had grown. (I guess he no longer wants to be tiny.) He now weighs 34 lbs and 38 & 3/4 inches tall. After Lucas got weighed and measured it was time to go into a room and wait to be "checked out" and get his hearing and eye test for school. I was hoping for the Pinocchio room, but no such luck.

Now I am NOT usually a superstitious person at all, but when it comes to Lucas' well check appointments I am a little bit (okay a lot.) I know it sounds CRAZY but every time we get the Pinocchio room for a checkup everything goes perfect, and anytime we get ANY other room there is always some sort of issue that usually requires a referral. I am NOT joking, and of course this time was no different.

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When it was time for Lucas' eye test they tried using the letter chart. He kept trying to get closer and uncover his eyes and kept saying "I can't know that one." So next they tried the picture chart. Again he kept trying to get closer and uncover his eye and say "I can't know that." Then he flung him self on the floor and tried to hide and threw the eye cover in frustration. I mentioned that when we are at home we are CONSTANTLY telling Lucas to not stand in front of the TV. When we went back into the room I asked Lucas to read the letters off of a poster from across the room, and he kept saying "I can't know" and when he would walk up to the poster he knew all the letters. He eventually told me that the letters looked funny from far away.

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So we now have a referral for an eye doctor because it is quite possible that Lucas is near sighted. I know not the end of the world, and if he is I'm glad that we caught it early. I'm just glad that he ended up not needing shots after all, but not as glad as Lucas.

Dear Lucas (48 weeks),

You are now 11 months old at almost at the end of your babyhood. This is going to be a bittersweet month for sure! Today you had your eleven month checkup and really all I need to tell you about it is we were in the pinocchio room!!!! You are 15 lbs and 11 ounces. That means you gained over a pound in a month! That is the quickest you have ever gained weight and the most weight you have gained at one time! Way to Grow! Even before Dr. Ramos looked at your weight he said he could tell just by looking at you that you had put on weight. I think that it is pretty cool he remembers you without having to look at your chart with the numbers of little kids he sees! Also Jen, the nurse that weighed you and sent us to the pinocchio room remembers your name just by looking at you! Dr. Ramos said you were doing wonderful and that he would see you at 1 year. I asked him if you needed the physical therapy sessions and he said that you didn't but that since we were already signed up that there wouldn't be any harm to going.

After your appointment we had a Mommy group meetup. Today we went to one of the other's Mom's houses for a baby pool party. You had fun hanging out with all the other babies and being able to crawl up to them and wave hi and "talk to them." This all changed though when it was time to hit the pool. I don't know what it is about kiddie pools and bath tubs but you HATE them! All of the other little babies (most of them younger than you) were happy to just hang out in the water. You would be ok for a few seconds and then you would start to fuss. Now that I think about it one reason could just be you were ready for your nap because you missed it going to your checkup. You seem to really like swimming in a real pool as long as you are being held. This is a good thing since we are planning on having a pool party for your first birthday. I guess I better start planning that since your birthday is LESS THAN A MONTH AWAY!

Between all the appointments and Lori and Tony's wedding renewal festivities this past weekend you have logged quite a bit of time in your carseat, but you've been taking everything in stride. You actually seem to be just as happy on the go as you do relaxing at home. You don't mind being put in your carseat as long as we are going somewhere. If I set you in your car seat you are not happy until I pick you up and head out the door.

When you play with things now you seem to be studying everything and trying to figure out exactly how things work. You get this “serious” look on your face as you investigate how things work. Sometimes you will even stick out your tongue a little, I guess this helps you concentrate! Also, as always you are using your feet to help you explore the world around you. One other cool thing you have started to do is you crawl up to me, your dad, or Jadie and just give us this hug where you wrap your arms around a part of our body and just lay your head against us for a few seconds. Sometimes you follow it with a slobbery sweet baby kiss, but usually you just go crawl away and continue on your explorations.

FINALLY you are back on East Coast time! You are back to your normal schedule of waking up around 7:00 to nurse, eat breakfast, and get a clean diaper on then it is back to bed for a little bit longer.. Most of the time you will play for a little bit before heading back to bed. Then is it lunch time, play time (or go out of the house time) then naptime. Usually by the time you are up from your afternoon nap your Daddy is home and you are always glad to see him. You usually don’t even want a snack until you have played with your Dad for a bit. You either play with your Dad or sit in your high chair and munch on something while I make dinner, then we all sit down and eat as a family. Depending on how dirty you are you will get a bath and then it is time to play until you start to get sleepy. Bedtime is usually around 8 PM. I usually don’t see you again until the next morning and it is a brand new day!

Bugga-Bugga, I love you to the moon and back,

Mama

"I've got Germies in my Body"

Yesterday afternoon I got a call from Lucas' school nurse. He had woken up from nap time crying and saying his ear hurt. He was taken to the nurse. Ha had a 101 fever so I had to go pick up my sick little guy. I called his pediatrician and got him an appointment for 5pm.

We got there fifteen til and the waiting room was PACKED. Lucas has never been to a "sick kid visit" so he was THRILLED to finally get to go to the "sick kid waiting room" where the train table has always been. He ran up to the table but there was not even a single train in sight and you couldn't even more the train tracks around. It was a total let down for him. After that every five seconds he asked "is it my turn YET." (He is his father's son!) While we waited I talked to another kid's mom and she told me that most of the kids seemed to be either here for an ear ache or for strep throat. I was thankful we fit in the first category.

When we finally got called back an hour later the nurse that weighed him (36 lbs) was so thrilled to see him. She remembered him from his monthly weight check days of his babyhood. (So glad THOSE are over) She couldn't believe how much he had grown or how light colored and curly his hair had gotten. She kept telling him "I remember you when you were just a tiny little peanut"

They ended up drawing some blood and "tickling his throat" and Lucas was a champ through everything. His temp was 100 at this point. I figured there had to be something "wrong" since we were NOT in the pinocchio room, yes the superstition continues. (I wonder what will happen to my silly superstition when they change offices in June?) Well it turned out we were there for Strep throat and NOT an ear ache.

So we left with a prescription for antibiotics (his first one) and I dropped it off on the way to taking him home all the while making the "my kid has step and may have infected your kid" call of shame. Figures he would test positive for Strep the day after going to church, stopping by his grandparents, going to a birthday party, and having his two best friends over to our house.

When I went back to CVS get his RX they told me that the insurance was being difficult about them filling it and needed a Doctors authorization and of course the office was closed. I started praying and the pharmacist tried calling the insurance company again and she was able to find a loop hole. They told her that she could give him a 3 day supply of his medicine ($93.00 for a generic antibiotic) but since you can't really mix up 3 days she gave us the whole 10 day supply we needed.

I rushed home with Lucas' medicine and found him fast asleep. It took us about 5 minutes for Curt and I to get him awake enough to take his medicine and I still don't think he ever woke up. He kept saying "I just want to go home!" and then he laid down and went right back to sleep.

This morning, Lucas woke me up saying "Mommy, did you get my medicine? When are you going to give me my medicine?" He had no memory of taking it the night before! Antibiotics are a wonderful thing! He woke up with no fever and with TONS of energy. He was so excited to just have a day home from school and get to play with his toys and watch cartoons. I guess those days are few and far between since he goes to school all week, has tee ball on Saturday, and Church on Sunday. He gets to go back to school tomorrow.

Dear Lucas (44 Weeks),

Today was a little crazy but you took it all in stride. This morning your pediatrician appointment was at 9:00 AM so I set the alarm for 7 AM to get ready so we could be out the door at 8:30. I heard the alarm go off and I must have rolled over and gone back to sleep because I woke up at exactly 8:20 and you were still asleep too. I rushed got dressed, changed you, fed you and we were out the door at 8:40 and were only 10 minutes late (oops.)

When we got to the Doctor's office you were weighed right away. I was a little nervous because usually the nurse says your weight out loud, but today she just wrote it down and motioned for us to follow her to a room. Just as we arrived at the door to the Pinocchio room, I got up the nerve to ask your weight... 14 & 1/2 lbs. That means you have gained 9 ounces this last month... which is the most you have ever put on at one time and in such a "short" amount of time! I was thrilled.

We saw the Pediatrician's assistant today and it went okay (she is alright I just love your actual Doctor so much more.) She said she was happy with your weight gain BUT she wishes it was more. I pointed out to her that 9 ounces was a BIG weight gain for you and she just flipped through your chart. Then she asked me if I was supplementing you with formula and if I was SURE you got enough when I nursed you and then asked about the solids you ate and if I was SURE you still weren't hungry after that. It sounded like she thinks I don't feed you enough... but I could care less. This lady has only seen you a handful of times and I'm your Mom. See I am getting the hang of this mom thing and not doubting myself as much.

They are still going to refer you to the neurologist... only they hadn't even tried to make the referral until today. I guess it was written in your chart last time by your Doctor but nobody actually did anything about it. I didn't call to follow up with them about it because they told me it would be a month before you could get in at least. By this rate you will be walking by the time you are seen (fine with me!) One thing I can say about the Pedi assistant today was she was honest. When I asked about what was going on with the referral she told me that they overlooked it and they dropped the ball and they would get right on it.

A few hours after we left the office I got a phone call from your Doctor's office saying that they made the referral and that they are also going to refer you to the Backus Children's Hospital as well for an evaluation until you can get into the neurologist. At this point I don't think that it is needed or that there is anything wrong with you, but we are going along because what can it hurt? Besides if there is even the tiniest little bit of a chance that there is anything wrong I would rather it be caught now then later on down the road.

After your appointment we met up with the Stay at Home Mom's group that I found a few weeks ago and we all had lunch at Barnes and Noble and sat around and talked about our babies. It is so cool to hang out with other moms and to watch you interact with other babies. I'm so glad I found that group. We left a little early to return a few things to the mall and then we came home so you could take a nap.

Tomorrow you are going on your first plane ride and you will be going all the way across the country to meet some more of your family. I hope that you are your same laid back easy going baby self. (Please!!!) We haven't even left yet and your Dad is a wreck saying that he doesn't want us to go and that he will miss us. He even said "you can go and just leave Lucas home with me!" I can understand... He has seen you everyday for the last 10 months and you have were part of our lives 9 months before that. He loves you so much! Tonight you guys played together and it was the greatest thing ever. You took the remote from him and then you would hold it out for him take and the second it touched the palm of your hand you would snatch it back... at first we thought that it was just a fluke... but you did it over and over again and we couldn't help laughing and then you were laughing with us and that only made us all laugh harder. You are changing from a sweet little baby into this bright little boy right before our eyes.

I'm sorry I was slack this week... it is only because I'm trying to make sure I have everything packed and ready to go... for when we leave for the airport at 5 something this morning. Please PLEASE sleep on the plane... so I can!

Bugga-Bugga, I love you to the moon and back,

MA MA!

The Lion King Mural Should Have Tipped Me Off

Today was Lucas' 9 Month Well Baby Checkup. The patient rooms at his Doctor's office are all painted with a different Mural from a Disney movie. Every time we go and Lucas is growing like he should be and there are no worries it always turns out we are in the Pinocchio room. At his 6 month appointment when we found out that Lucas had lost weight and that Lucas needed to be supplemented for a little bit to make sure that he could gain weight we were in the Lion King Room.

Well when we got to the Doctor's it was busy and I ran into Michelle (I went to childbirth classes with her and she was the first of our group to have her baby.). Lucas played with her son while we waited to be called back to a room. Of course I am kicking myself now for not taking a picture of them together. It was really cool to see her! She also had her mom with her and my mom was with me too (because we had lunch plans for afterwards which we didn't make because his appointment took over 2 & 1/2 hours and Lucas just wanted to go home and sleep!) It was fun to sit in the waiting room and swap labor and baby stories.

When we get led back to a patient room I immediately see that we are in the Lion King room. I told my mom right then that I knew that this appointment wasn't going to go so hot and she told me I was being silly....

So, to make a long story short in 3 months Lucas has only gained 15 ounces. He now weighs a whopping 13 lbs 15 oz. He also only grew 1/2 an inch an length for a total of 26 & 1/2 inches long. Combined with his slow weight gain and overall growth and the fact that he isn't sitting up on his own from a laying down position, pulling up at all, hates to put pressure on his legs, and isn't crawling the doctor is concerned about him. They are referring us to a Neurologist for a complete workup and then also considering doing a metabolic work up on him. They also took blood today but everything with that looked good. He isn't anemic.

We also go back now every month for checkups (normally his next appointment wouldn't have been until his 1 year birthday) so we go back May 31, the day before we fly to California. I'm trying to stay positive because I don't want to get as depressed as I was after his 6 month appointment.

I managed to keep pretty upbeat until I got home. It seems like when it rains it pours because after I got Lucas down for a nap (did I mention he missed his morning nap because we spent over 2 & 1/2 hours at the Doctor) the front office left a note on our door. It have to make a bunch of repairs to our trailer before May 12th:

1) Pressure wash the outside
2) Paint the Outside
3) Paint the Roof with Kool Seal
4) Replace the lattice with matching skirting

So needless to say as soon as I read the letter I just broke down in tears. I looked up how much it will cost to "Kool Seal" the roof and it is going to cost $80 just for the Kool seal itself... let alone the cost of everything else (we seem to have misplaced our magic money tree) and how everything is going to get done before May 12th!!! Curt is watching Fun With Dick and Jane as I type this and bank robbery is looking like a pretty good option.

Dear Lucas (27 weeks),

This last week has been one of the most challenging weeks to date. Since your 6 week checkup and hearing that you lost weight I have been agonizing over the millions of things I might have did wrong that made you lose weight. It didn't matter to me how many times everyone told me you would be okay or you would bounce back(I never doubted you would) I just felt (and still do) feel responsible for your weight loss. I'm your Mom... I've been your primary source of food for the last 6 months and when you lost weight it hit me hard.

You have been the been the happiest and hungriest baby that I have ever met. You ate (and still do) all the time and whenever you were hungry I certainly nursed you and your Dad fed you your fruits and veggies. We were shocked to hear that you had even lost weight in the first place and then on top of that I had to give you bottles of stinky formula. Yes I have given you formula a few times in the past but it is one thing to have given it to you a few times when you were first born and too sick to nurse and another to be told I had to give you formula because the the current feeding method (nursing) just wasn't cutting it (although nobody said it quite like that). My whole sadness revolved around the guilt I felt that you lost weight and I had to supplement with formula.

When we told everyone today that you had gained weight (you are now 13 lbs even) a few people actually said to me "see your breastmilk just wasn't giving him what he needed," and I have never wanted to throw a shoe at a person more. Happy to say that you only have to have formula for another week (I don't think people realized you were only getting 8 ounces of the stuff a day and your Doctor told me that I can give you even less than that.) The whole point of the formula was to make sure that you could gain weight in a short period of time to make sure there was nothing wrong. We go back next Wednesday to weigh you again.

Through everything you were your normal happy self. I was very sad all week and I would look down at you and you'd be smiling and laughing and wanting to play and I would just think to myself "doesn't he know that I've been failing him, how can he look at me like that." I think in your own way you were trying to say "Hey Mom! I'm okay! I'm happy and loved and I'm not going hungry, we just had an off week." I realize now that I have spent the last six months learning to listen to you through your crying that I forgot that it is just as important to listen to you through your laughter.

Today was such an awesome day especially compared to the stress of last week. Today as if gaining weight wasn't a big enough accomplishment you did four new things. First off you taught yourself three new games while we were waiting in the Pinocchio room... the "Wow you mean if I drop this toy then my mommy will pick it up over and over again" game. Then there is the "If I punch my Old Navy Bear Rattle then it will make noise just like when I shake it" game and related to that is the "Wow beating things with other things makes really cool noises" game. Then to top that all off you said "Ba" for the first time. Okay I know "ba" isn't exactly your first word and that you were just test driving one of your constant sounds out... but "ba" sounds a lot like "ma" so there is hope that you'll be saying "mama" before I know it and then you might say it before "dada"...(not that it is a competition or anything... but after all I did give birth to you... and I was in labor with you from a Monday to a Wednesday and you do sort of owe me since you have yet to pee on your Dad.)

You and Jadie are still the best of friends. Ever since you started to eat solids on a full time basis I think she even likes you more. She is always standing by hoping that we will say "Okay Jadie clean Lucas up!" She always looks a little disappointed when we pick you up and take you off to give you a bath instead. I'm sure before we know it you'll be slipping her things that you don't want to eat (she has already eaten your greenbeans for you).

Another one of our new things is that while I am cleaning the kitchen (which I used to do while you napped) I pull your swing into the dining room, turn on itunes, and while I load the dishwasher and wipe off the counters I sing along with whatever song randomly plays. You just love this and laugh and bang along and before we know it the kitchen is clean. Also, if you are crying and bored with my old tricks of getting you to cheer up (Jadie or the TV remote... both of which you are still trying to put in your mouth) then we twirl around the room to some music and before I know it you are laughing along and trying to grab my hair. Speaking of hair... PLEASE STOP PULLING IT AND TRYING TO EAT IT! For a little baby you sure have one mean death grip when you want to put something in your mouth! Maybe that is the problem you just burn up so much energy trying to eat things that won't make you gain weight!

Well my Boogs, I love you to the moon and back,

Mama
(and as long as you are gaining weight still I'll totally be fine if you say "Dada" first)

Lucas is 6 Months Old Today

I've been sitting here staring and watching the little cursor blinking trying to figure out how to put down everything I am feeling into words so I can make everyone understand why I am sitting here with tears running down my face but I don't know if I can or not. So I am deciding to stop thinking and just write.

Lucas is 6 months old today... that is a half of a year! He is halfway to not being a baby anymore and being a toddler. All week long I've been excited for this day to come... not so much because he was turning the big 6 months but because 6 months meant another trip to the doctor for a well baby check up so I could see how much my little baby has grown. He's been eating like a little piggy so I just new he had to have put on at least 2 lbs plus every time I see my Mom the first thing she says is how much he has grown since the last time she saw him!

At Lucas' pediatrician when you arrive you have to fill out a form that goes into their chart checking off what they eat (breastmilk and some solids) and then checking off some of the things developmentally they do (like respond to voices, sit unsupported) while you wait to be called for a private room. Each room is painted with a different theme. (I should have known there was something off when we got the Simba and Nala Lion King room and not our usual Pinocchio room.) Then the nurse leaves for a few minutes to strip your kid down to socks and a clean dry diaper before his head circumference (17 inches) and weight measurements are taken. When she put Lucas in the scale and said he was 12 lbs 8 oz my heart sank, (at 4 months he was 13 lbs 2 oz) I didn't say anything then though secretly hoping that I had heard her wrong. I knew Lucas losing weight was not a good thing so I waited for the Dr trying to keep myself calm.

Since normally Lucas is napping about 3:30 he started to get fussy waiting for his Dr to come in so I nursed him a little. The walls are really thin and I could hear him talking to a Mom in the next room and I knew I would have time to cover up because I heard him walk out of the room and pick up Lucas' chart to look at it. The first question that the Dr asked me was "you haven't been here since he was 2 weeks old?" and I realized the office staff must have finally found his long lost chart and misplaced his second one. So Dr.Ramos sent someone to find it. He sat down in front of Lucas and I and smiled and asked me how much he weighed at his 4 month appointment. When I told him 13 lbs 2 oz he went and told his staff he NEEDED Lucas' chart now and the sweet nurse that weighed him took him and weighed him again to make sure. She came back and said she had zeroed the scale and he still weighed 12 lbs 8 oz. At this point I was still trying to stay calm and all I could think was "don't cry don't cry!"

Dr. Ramos asked if he was crawling yet as I told him "well he tries to, he kicks his feet out" I thought to myself oh great he's supposed to be crawling and he is not before I realized DUH he is trying to find out a reason for his weight loss. Crawling would explain it because he would be burning up extra calories like crazy. Then he asked about his feeding schedule (every 3-4 hours and he still wakes up at night and I nurse him) and his poops (making sure they weren't watery or green... which they haven't been). Then he plotted out his weight gain and lack there of since he was born for me to see. He said he might be a little concerned with no weight gain but weight loss at his age was a big cause for his concern (which I understand and even though 8 oz doesn't sound like a lot in the scheme of things to a baby it is a whole lot...) Then he told me he wanted me to start supplementing.

Okay when he said supplementing I was wondering if he meant giving Lucas formula as well as still nursing him. If it was any other pediatrician I would have known that is what he meant but Dr.Ramos is VERY pro-breastfeeding. So much so that I know of some people who switched doctors for this reason because they were formula feeding... not because Dr. Ramos was mean or anything just because he had a whole different philosophy then they did. Also, at Lucas' 4 month checkup Dr. Ramos applauded both Lucas and I for still breastfeeding. So when he tells me that I need to supplement I was a little confused.

While he explained to me that he wanted me to keep nursing like I was and then after each time I nursed to offer him 2 oz of this expensive high calorie formula he was going to send home with me. At this point I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes and the sweet nurse handed me two tissues. Dr. Ramos explained that he needed to make sure that Lucas' weight loss was due to not getting enough calories to rule out any underlying causes. I am supposed to go there at 9:30 wednesday to recheck his weight. He also held off on giving Lucas his booster shots until after we figured out what was going on. At this point I was crying. When the nurse handed me the tissues I just couldn't stop crying. After making sure I was okay Dr. Ramos and his nurse left and I put Lucas back into his clothes and kissed him over and over.

On the way to the lobby the sweet nurse pulled me aside and said "I know that formula is expensive if you run out before Wednesday come see me and I'll get you some more. It will be okay and I'll see you Wednesday." Then I saw Dr. Ramos one more time and he told me "it will all work out we'll figure out what is going on." When I got to the lobby I had to make an appointment and hearing what happened one of the office ladies came up to me and said "the same thing happened to me and it broke my heart. Go home and have yourself a good cry and we'll see you on Wednesday." I really love everyone in that office and I feel like I have the best pediatrician for Lucas.

When I got to the car I put Lucas in his car seat and the tears just came harder and faster. I climbed into the car and called my Mommy before I called anyone else. Then while I was talking to her Curt beeped in and I took his call and filled him in on what was going on. He begged me to stop crying because he was worried about me driving home. I got off the phone with him and talked to Lisa and Crystal. Everyone was really supportive and great. Thanks everyone.

Now I am going to try to explain why I was and still am crying. Breastfeeding for me in the beginning was harder than labor. First Lucas was sick and I had to pump to keep up my milk supply. It was hard after giving him bottles of breastmilk his first week to get him to latch on. Then I had to deal with the worst pain as I learned how to get him positioned right. I think for the first month I was on Tylenol a good bit of the time. Then I dealt with having two clogged ducts. I got all over that and finally I feel comfortable and happy with nursing and actually enjoy it and then I learn that I might not be feeding my baby enough. It almost feels like all of my hard work was for nothing. This is the part I don't know how to put into words. I feel like a failure, like I'm the reason why Lucas isn't growing like he should. The hardest part is trying to explain to Curt why I am crying. I just can't. He has never breastfed and right now my crying is frustrating him... only because he is a fixer and there is no way he can "fix" me (get me to stop crying and cheer me up) right now and that is driving me crazy. I'm not crying because I am worried about Lucas and the whole weight thing (I am don't get me wrong) it is more about me feeling like I'm not or didn't do something right. I feel like this whole thing is on my shoulders (even though I know deep down it isn't my fault) because for the last months I have been feeding him. So I know he will be ok. Breastfeeding is just so much more than just a way I choose to feed him. There is this emotional part to it that I'm not sure anyone can understand unless they've done it (not putting anyone down by saying this). It's just like I can sympathize with someone who has lost a parent but I will never know what it is really like until it happens to me. So that is where I am coming from... I just feel really low right now.

When we got home I nursed Lucas and gave him his first bottle of formula and he sucked it down. Honestly that made me feel good that he wasn't rejecting it but at the same time only made me feel worse because of how much he seemed to enjoy it. Then I laid him down for a short nap and ate dinner. He was already back awake within 30 minutes so I got him out of his crib and played with him. I couldn't understand why he was so happy, didn't he know that his Mommy was failing him. He kept smiling at me and laughing and for the first time in almost two weeks since he started teething he gave me his big slobbery baby kisses again. I dressed him in his PJs and as soon as he was all zipped up he spits up stinky formula all over them. Since he was in such a good mood I took a few pictures. I knew that in a few days when I wasn't so sad I would regret not taking any pictures of him at 6 months old. I put him in another pair of PJ's Then I read him his bedtime story, sang him his prayers, kissed him good night and walked out. I put on my PJ's and laid on the couch and cried myself to sleep. (Curt went into the bedroom because he was still frustrated because he couldn't "fix me") I got a good two hour nap in and feel a little better after some sleep and a good cry (even though I still feel a little sleepy and weepy.

I'm getting ready to go wake up Lucas to nurse him. He seems to be sleeping longer on the formula (which makes sense since I've heard it takes longer to digest) and the last thing I want now is for my milk supply to drop. Please keep us in your prayers. Now that I had my good cry I am trying to get positive and I'm trying not to worry until we go back to his next appointment.

4 Month Check up

At Lucas' pediatrician all of the patient rooms have different characters painted on the walls. Some how ever since Lucas' very first Check up he always gets the pinocchio room (He loves to look at the painting now) Lisa was with me at the first appointment and took a picture of him and looking at it tonight he doesn't even look like the same baby! He now weighs 13 lbs 2 oz and is 25 1/4 inches long (it is neat to think he is over 2 feet tall!)



Everything is going well. His Dr told me to start putting neosporin on his nose and to start giving him bottle water from a cup and within the next month in a half he'll be able to drink from a sippy cup by himself. I tried giving him water tonight and he sucked it in his mouth and then let it run down his chin.

The poor little guy got more shots today. At his 2 month appointment they just made him tired but today he was a little cranky so we made sure we were extra sweet to him. He was grumpy all night until I got on the phone. I was talking to Lori and he wanted to join in. While he was showing off his baby talk skills he discovered that he could grunt at will (instead of just went he was passing gas or pooping). It was the funniest thing... He would change his voice getting lower with each sound he made. Lori and I were laughing. I think his first word will end up being "Hi" because that is what I say to him all the time and while he was talking to us both Lori and I could almost swear he said "Hi"

Dear Lucas (68 Weeks),

You had such a busy day today (well week.) Every day you take a few more steps all on your own. I know before long you will no longer be crawling but walking everywhere you go. The determination you have to get this walking thing down is amazing. You will fall and get back up only to fall right back down. Instead of giving up or getting frustrated you just keep on trying. I hope you never lose that drive or discover the fear and doubt that seems to go along with getting older. All that falling and getting back up has made you rather sleepy since some days you are back to your two naps a day routine.

We started our day with story time at the library. I was so excited to take you this morning because now that you feel so confident standing on your own, I knew that you would dance right along with the other kids. Last night we happened to flip the channel to a Dixie Chick Performance and as soon as you heard the music you just got into it and you were feeling the music with your whole body. When I told your Dad to look he made a joke that "he is dancing like that because the only music you let our poor son listen to is that Anti-American Crap." I'm sure as you grow up you will realize that your Dad and I will often dislike certain movies and music because the other one likes it. We are very adult in that way. You didn't get to show off those "anti-American" dance moves this morning because unfortunately for us there was a guest reader who thought that kids should sit still and quiet and not dance or move during music and story time. There is no story time next week because of the Thanksgiving Holiday so you will have to wait two weeks before you can wow all your story time buddies with your dancing.

After story time we headed to lunch with our buddies. I love that we have found friends that work for both of us. After taking a short vacation from eating bananas you have returned to making them disappear in about two seconds flat. The past few days it has been hard to get you to really eat anything "real food" wise because you are cutting your molars.

You are such an active little guy that I couldn't wait to take you to the indoor playground after you finished eating. You must be a big kid trapped in a little kids body. Everywhere the big kids went you had to try and follow them. You had no interest in the toddler section of the playground but wanted to climb, climb, climb.

I think if you could ask for anything for Christmas it would be a gigantic playground slide. You love climbing up the slide and then sliding down so much. Today you climbed all the way up to the very top of the slide. You were up so high that I thought I was going to have to climb up after you. Instead I heard you laughing with delight on your way down. You just amaze me every single day.

I don't care what you end up being when you grow up. I don't care if you make a lot of money or what kind of car you drive or house you live in. The only thing I want is that you have a love for people. If you as a baby is any indication of the type of adult you will be I have nothing to worry about. You are always very open and giving with your hugs and snuggles and are always going from adult to adult and child to child giving hugs. This is the accomplishment that makes me the proudest of you.

If your day wasn't busy enough we also had your 15 month well baby checkup at 4:30 this afternoon. There were a lot of sick kids and the office was so busy we didn't make it out of there until almost 6 PM. Since you only took a 15 minute nap today you were one cranky baby and you just weren't having me hold you and not letting you go "bye bye" and go home. Your Pediatrician is amazing. The second he picked you up you stopped fussing and just let him examine you. When he stretched you out on the examination table to get your length you didn't even move a muscle. The second he handed you back to me you turned back into tired cranky baby. To make matters worse you also got a shot. You now weigh 19 lbs 15 oz and are 29 inches long. Your Pedi said you are doing great. Did I mention you were in the Pinocchio room?

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Bugga, I love you to the moon and back,

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Mama